My Heart Wants To Come Home

Cal-Pal

Y/N P.O.V

Feels like centuries when it has only been a year. But a year is also too long for other things.

It's too long not to wake up and turn to see the love of your life looking back at you with this look in his eyes, too long not to talk to someone, too long not to hear their laugh or voice, too long not to see them in motion and walking around. A year is too long not to see him alive.

His face, his dimples. Just him.

I miss everything about him. I miss the laughs, the kisses, the hugs, even the fights and tears. They are what brought us together. It is what had me fall so hard like I did and not look back.

I still won't look back even though I know he would want me to move on and live my life, meet someone new, fall in love, get married, have kids, all that stuff.

But, I can't. I see him everywhere. Everything I see has something that reminds me of him.

Anything blue are his eyes, the sun's warmth reminds me of how he used to hold me when we slept, and the night's cold reminds me of his absence even though I know he isn't here all the time. There is so much more that has Luke forever burned into my mind.

This morning looks just as dark as it did when I found out he was gone. The feeling of being alone hurts when I get up out of bed and get ready for the day. He is already there in my head. He has been since he left.

The knock on the door echoes throughout my apartment. I answer and one of his friends are standing there. Calum Hood. He smiles at me and I give him one in return. I still smile, I know he wants me to and I should at least do something he wants me to do.

"Can I come in y/n? It's been awhile." I nod, "Of course. Sorry I forgot you sent me a message yesterday saying you were coming over." He walks in and looks around. "The place still looks nice.", "Well cleaning distracts me, I'm happy you still like the place. So Cal how is everything?" He takes a seat on the gray sofa and settles in.

Calum was Luke's best friend. He took it as hard as me when he found out.

"I've been doing good. I went back to college and I'm working on my Bachelor's Degree. I have to move though because the commuting is starting to suck ass, but I have no idea were to go, so I was going to talk to you about it..." Do I really want another guy living in this apartment again? Well it is Calum. I knew him long enough to know he won't try anything on me.

"Calum, I'll be happy to have you live with me. You were close to Luke and you're close to me so I should help you out. I can clean out my guest room for you to stay in." Calum smiles and jumps up. "Y/N! THANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS IS GOING TO HELP ME ALOT!" He shouts excitedly.

It's been a long time since I've hugged someone. Calum is warm but not as warm as Luke. There is that aching feeling in my heart again. It's not a ping but a blast. It hurts so bad. It feels like a knife precisely opening the sensitive, sealed skin of scars and making them gashes again. I wonder if anyone else feels that way too or if I'm the only one. Does anyone else know the grief I feel still or has everyone moved on?

The pair of arms wrapped around me give my body a little squeeze then let go. Calum smiles again. Every time I see him he's smiling. Does his face ever hurt? "Well it's up to you on when you want me to move in here." When should I let him in? Tomorrow is too soon. Next week I think sounds good.

"Next week sounds okay?" He thinks about it and nods,"Perfect. Don't worry I don't have much stuff too at my Mom's house so I won't take up too much space." It's not like I cared anyway. I want something new to try and ease my pain. I wonder if Calum living with me will make me less depressed.

We talk for a bit then we decide to go out for lunch. When we walk into the café we sit at a table close to a window that looks out at the street. Their is only silence between us for awhile until we both decide what we want, Calum insists he goes up to order for us. He also insists he'll pay for lunch since I'm helping him out. I don't want him to pay for it but there is no changing the kiwi's mind.

He comes back from waiting off to the side of the counter after ordering our lunch with our drinks. He sips his hot cocoa and licks his lips of the chocolate residue it left behind from his last sip. I stare at my jasmine chai bubble tea.

I stir it around and sip some, the strong taste leaves a perfumish scent in my mouth, I quickly get used to the flavor. Calum sees I'm down in the dumps and makes me look at him. He holds up an index finger and slowly places it into the hot cocoa's whipped cream. He makes a big mustache under his nose and deepens his voice, "They said I would never be a man."

I giggle and his eyes brighten with success. Leave it to Calum to make me giggle for the first time in over a year. It feels good. I see why this boy was Luke's best friend. He can make anyone laugh. My grandpa was able to too. I do wonder sometimes if him and Luke have some talks or something. They probably would talk about music, Luke would go on about Nirvana while my grandpa would go on about Hot Tuna.

A man with about size two plugs comes over to us with our food. "Turkey BlT?" Calum raises his hand, "Tuna Melt?" I raise my hand. The guy is about to walk away when he notices that Calum has a whipped cream mustache. "Would you like more of that sir?" He asks with a hint of laughter. "Yes sonny I would like a heaping amount of your finest white stuff here." The waiter and I start dying laughing and Calum starts licking at his mustache, knowing perfectly well how wrong he sounded.

I laugh till my sides hurt. God, it's a good hurt. Not from pain but from happiness and enjoyment. The sensation from it makes me laugh more, I stop when I feel like my ribs will crack. The waiter is wiping at his eyes and goes to get Calum more whipped cream.

Alot of people are giving us mean stares for disrupting their peace. Calum has licked off all of the cream and is finishing up his laughter too. When his dark brown eyes meet my y/e/c eyes I shake my head. "You Calum Hood have succeed doing what I thought was impossible."

He raises an eyebrow, "And what is that y/n/n?"

"You made me happy."