The following trail

Conclussion

    Imagine writing a story without a prompt, it can be hard to keep focus on without knowing which direction it will go. Plus you have to think about all the minor things including punctuation, grammar, and most importantly cliff hangers. My cliff hanger is that I'm unpredictable, there you have it. I am no one special, unless you ask my mom. I'm constantly struggling with identity like every other twenty something year old you happen to find on the internet. Shocker, huh? The only thing I can promise you that might make you stay and read what I have to say is that we might be able to relate on a few things. My goal is to continue to growing and NOT lose all the people I love in the mean time. A challenge..
     I recently met someone I want to put all my attention into, but how do I express that I want to hear about every little dream he plans to succeed in great detail without sounding like a complete stalker? I can not do that because sometimes the words I form in my head comes out way worse than expected. I could try to tell him I think his eyes are beautiful and accidentally offer to buy him a car. I mean, catching me at the right moment I might simp enough to buy him a car because he mentioned he likes the color blue. The blue car just happens to be on sale.
    My love language gages between touch and gifts. I don't necessarily feel like I'm loved when received gifts, but I express my love by gift giving. It doesn't help that I don't have the funds to purchase all the things I accidentally swipe my card for. I know that I can not be the only one who is impatient when waiting for what they want as well. I'm a little sneaky too, I feel like I'm being very discreet about buying a gift, but it usually slips out of my mouth within the first fifteen minutes of the purchase. It makes it fairly hard to go Christmas shopping or anything along those lines.
    A few things I could work on include being more understanding of how others brains work. My biggest downfall at the moment is not being able to sympathize fully when someone addresses me with their insecurities, and instead of being fully supportive like I wish I could be, I can be cold. It is never intentional, especially because I'm more than likely facing the same battles they are struggling with.
    I consider myself empathetic because I can pick up vibrations the minute I walk into a room. I can tell who in the room has the right intentions, wrong intentions, and who is walking with a pure heart. This also makes it easier to develop bond with a person based off the emotions I sense coming from them. Trauma bonded is truly a thing that can play a main role in your life. I have a close friend who I share the same diagnosis with, even though our outbursts are quite different, we both can understand what the other is facing.
    Relationships come hard to me, I have yet a successful relationship, just a lot of mistakes I have disguised with forgiveness and faith. I had spent over two years with love, but was in denial a year. I know I have the right mindset, I want to make it work. Like our grandparents did, worked out all their issues. Although, in my situation realistically I was trying to force square block into a triangle opening. I can tell you now that working through your struggles in a relationship is incredible, but not every time it is meant to be.