The deafening silence

The worst kind of pain

Hosuh stared forward at Stephen for a couple minutes. The seconds dragged by agonisingly slow, making the atmosphere tense.

Suddenly, the purple haired male slowly walked over to the older male.

Hosuh stared at him in sympathy. He didn't need to lift up the blanket to see whose body it was, but he would still feel better having it confirmed.

He was met with the still form of what was once Gavin Ng.

Tears filled his blue eyes, and he placed a hand on Stephen's shoulder. The younger male stiffened, jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut. Hosuh knew, just like him, Stephen was fighting the urge to cry.

Slowly, the others gathered around them, wrapping a comforting arm around the purple haired male, whispering comforting things into his ear and trying to make sure he was ok.

As they all broke apart, Stephen exhaled slowly, though the stress did not leave his body, and knelt down to lay his brother on the grass.

It was surreal, seeing the younger of the two siblings so still, so quiet. He was always the more expressive one, yelling everyone's ears off without meaning to. Stephen used to think it was annoying. Now he misses it.

In the back of his mind, he can still hear Gavin's obnoxious laughter ringing in his ears. See his shit-eating grin when he knows he's getting on someone's nerves, feel the warmth of his embrace when the world was cold and all they had was each other-

And he feels a soft hand slipping into his own. For a moment, he looks back, hoping to come face to face with those familiar lilac eyes, but instead is met with closed ones.

Jay squeezes his hand comfortingly. He doesn't squeeze too tight though, giving Stephen an escape if he wants it.

Stephen half smiles at the gesture. The blonde was always aware of other people's feelings and thoughts, even if he wasn't about his own. That was one of the things he loved about him.

Jay leans against his shoulder, briefly opening his eyes. Stephen stares into them, hoping the unusual eyes would make him feel a bit better.

Whenever there was a problem, he sought the blonde out, knowing he would listen, let the purple haired male rest his head on his lap as he hummed along to his ranting, running a comforting hand through his soft locks.

Stephen continued to look into his eyes, happy to not find a trace of pity in them. Good. He didn't want pity from Jay, from anyone. He wasn't sad. He was fine.

The blonde seemed to sense his thought process, squeezing his hand again and whispering softly to him.

"It's ok to cry. I would understand. He's your brother."

Stephen took note of how Jay didn't use the past tense. Like Gavin was still here. Like he was standing right beside them, and not laid before them in the grass, the blood no longer running through his veins, making his heart beat.

Words couldn't describe the pain this brought him. He wanted to scream in anguish, beat himself until he was nothing but an empty husk, and join his brother in the afterlife.

For as long as he could remember, it had just been the two of them. Their parents passed when they were very young, the siblings only 2 and 4 years old. Gavin could barely speak yet, but God could he cry. Back then, he'd cried for hours, nothing being able to silence his cries, not even the gunshots and the screams and the yelling. It just made him louder.

Right now, it was deathly silent. In that period of their lives, Stephen would have prayed for it.

Now, it just made him sick.

Stephen let out a choked noise, halfway between a sob and a gasp.

The sound seemed to trigger something, taking him back to the past he'd been trying to block out for all these years.

------

A missile zoomed overhead, landing nearby and creating a big explosion that sent pieces of dirt and gravel flying everywhere.

The sound made the blue haired boy sob, covering his ears. He didn't want to stay here anymore. Everything was too loud and scary and his parents weren't here to soothe him back to sleep anymore, they never would be, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever-

He let out a choked gasp and a sob as familiar arms wrapped around him. Stephen had come back from gathering supplies, rocking the younger back and forth and whispering random nonsense that he hoped would get through to the smaller. Words didn't matter, Gavin just needed to know that he was here, that he wasn't alone, he never would be.

The blue haired boy whimpered and leaned into him, shoulders slumping as exhaustion took over him.

Stephen hushed him as the younger cried, planting a gentle kiss on top of his brother's head just like their mother used to do.

This seemed to calm him, his sobs getting quieter until they weren't there anymore.

The older pulled away once he knew Gavin was asleep, standing and slowly placing a blanket over his body.

"Goodnight Gavin..."

------

"Goodnight Gavin..." Stephen mumbled as he knelt down next to his brother's body, placing a gentle kiss to his too cold head.

Hosuh knelt next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder once again. Jay did the same, wrapping his arms around the purple haired male carefully.

The three of them stayed there for what seemed like hours, the wind whistling gently in their ears, making the soft blades of grass move slightly.

No words needed to be spoken between them. There was nothing left to be said. It had all been said as Gavin bled out in the field, choking on his own blood as Stephen screamed into the empty space, watching the only family he had left slip away from him.

Staring down at his brother's body, knowing, that this was the last time he'd ever look at him, the dam finally broke.

Stephen wailed and wept, gripping onto the grass beneath him as his friends comforted him to no avail.

There used to be a time when Stephen would've thought falling over hurt.

Well he was wrong.

This was the worst kind of pain.