Alone

The Collapse

Notes: Fox is collapsing and it is not pretty. I split up Fox's batch mates' reactions to the next chapter. Enjoy, comments are welcome

As the squad trudged back to base, Fox felt mentally and emotionally broken. When the squad finally reached the barracks, Fox signed for them to all get some rest, too afraid that he would choke up if he tried to speak. The shinies dispersed in an instant, desperate to get away from the mess that had just occurred and the superior who had killed a vod, leaving just Thire and Stone. 

Thire still stood on Fox's left, titling his head towards Fox in question, silently asking Fox if wanted him to stick around. Fox shook his head turning away from Thire and Stone, missing their concerned looks, and limping back to his office.

As soon as Fox shut the door, he ripped his bucket off, which was making him feel like he was suffocating, and collapsed onto his sparse cot. Fox was too emotionally wrecked to care that the movement jarred the injuries he received from earlier. In fact, he welcomed the pain as he found it was grounding. A part of Fox's mind whispered that he deserved the pain and Fox wholly agreed.

Finally, In the safety of his office, where no vod would see him, Fox broke down. Tears streamed down Fox's face in a never-ending waterfall and his breaths hitched as his whole body shook. Fox just curled into a ball, wishing that he had someone to comfort him, but he knew that no one would comfort an aruetii.

Fox had killed a vod! But it wasn't him, it was a controlled, sick version of himself. Fox knew that he has had missing time before, most of the veteran Guard members did, but he was never able to remember what he did before. So why was he forced to watch this time? Was it some sick torture method or did Palpatine mess up? 

But, it doesn't matter, Fox thought, a vod is dead, and the others will likely never speak to me again. At that thought, the tears started a new flow, and Fox cursed himself for being so emotional.

 Fox trembled, and as he forced himself to run through that night's events, he came to a realization.  And with that realization, Fox forced himself to stop sobbing and to swallow his emotions behind a mask, I don't deserve self pity, don't deserve to mourn the vod, he reasoned. 

Fox had committed the most heinous crime a vod could ever perpetrate, killing another brother. Fox knows he deserves whatever guilt and isolation he receives, despite the fact that he did not have control of his actions. It will probably be better for his vod anyway, Fox reasoned. If he is isolated, Palpatine hopefully won't punish them, and that is all Fox can pray for.

Fox lay on his cot, tossing and turning, knowing that if he closed his eyes he would see Fives' body laying on the cold floor of that blasted warehouse.

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