The Love you Gave Me

chapter one: Landon

Me?

I'm landon mcqueen. this was forced on me by my english teacher so thank her. i'm supposed to write about me and my purpose in this class but i don't know. i'm not the kid who belongs in an english class. dark clothes, dark hair, tattoos yea this place isn't for me. this is for the harvard bound kids who would rather kill themselves then miss a day of school. that's not me. i like english i guess. i don't know this is ridiculous.i don't know how to put this that doesn't sound appalling and makes me seem like a total dweeb, but i love books.
god i hated that. anyways.
books helped me cope, so everyday since i was little i would read , yet all i have learned is authors lie.
love is not real it just doesn't exist.
desire on the other hand, well that's what "love" is or whatever. all you ever hear in this god damn class is about love and what loves make you do. god i just want to slam my head into the desk and tell everybody how fucking stupid they are for believing that crap. authors fucking lie and are hypocrites, but no one believe me. ridiculous. everything in my god forsaken life is ridiculous. my mom made me take this class, not like she's even here to tell me to go to class. god. i cant wait till i'm alone. i have 45 minutes left in this class. the clock is literally frozen. as i'm writing this i'm next to aiden, veronica, and lily. aiden is a fucking idiot who thinks the only thing that matters is books. I bet this dweeb doesn't even own a phone. veronica is the girl everybody is in love with, but she is the most conceited and just fucking dumb too, i don't even know why she's in this class. but lily, she might be the dumbest. she is the one who always argues love. calm down no one wants to fall in love with you anyway. i don't know. i just wish i was alone.

the bell finally rings. i decide to ditch the rest of the day i'm over this fucking school. as i'm on my way out the door lily gets in front of me blocking me from leaving.
"landon?"
"what the hell do you want? i'm a little busy here."
"you need to get to class."
"excuse me who do you think you? acting like you have control over me. funny. you know i would think you would loosen up a bit after all these years and get rid of that stick up your ass or something."
"you know what whatever do whatever you want. it's not like i care whether you flunk out."
"obviously you care. so tell me what's it this time. come to argue about love again?"
"because i wanted to make sure you were okay and all i guess."
"well do me a favor and stop because life would be better without you"
okay you're probably thinking man this kid is a dick, and i don't blame you. let me tell you something about lily i didn't tell you before. lily is a year younger. she is my sisters best friend and she's really smart, but all she does is fucking worry about other people. she never puts herself before anyone. it's fucking annoying i hear her talking about her problems to my sister and my self conceited bitch of a sister tells her to get over it, and just sits there and goes,
"oh okay sorry, what do you wanna talk about"
it's fucking annoying and i'm over it.
as soon as this bitch gets out of my way i head out the door texting stephanie right away telling her to meet me at the stop. i know what you're all thinking, and no i'm not gonna bang her. stephanie is my best friend and has been for years. the spot is where we party, get high, or get drunk. simple as that, nothing more nothing less. my phone buzzes.
*sorry cant skip today dad is a dick"
i text back
*fuck you asshole*
she replies
*all love*
stephanie may be a bitch but i love her to death. she's the only one that looks out for me anymore. i go to the spot and pull out my pen. god i needed this. this is what i love. silence, a good pen, and myself. my phone goes off repeatedly.
*Get your ass home right now. I know you aren't at school. Seriously.*
great. mom actually wants to be a parent today. i throw my pen back in my bag and walk home slightly buzzed.

i get home and all of a sudden here comes mom of the year reeking of cheap dollar store vodka.
"what the hell landon"
"oh look who just rolled out of bed?! dear old momsy!!"
" why the hell aren't you in school?"
" surprised you even noticed when you got the revolving door of guys over and cant even stand up because you're too drunk."
" don't fucking talk to me like that landon. get your ass back to school. i don't want you here. your a waste. at least your sister knows when to shut the fuck up."
" don't fucking talk about her like th-"
she smacks me across the face before i can even finish my sentence. this. this is what i go home to. this is my lovely and caring mother. she doesn't even know how old her own daughter is .
" fuck you"
i scream with tears running down my face. i run out of that stupid house with my stupid mother in it. i hate it here. as i'm running out of course i see fucking lily. i'm too upset to even say anything but she stops me. of course, here we go again always dealing with others.
" hey hey hey, landon come here. what's wrong"
before i can even say some snarky response back to her, she runs up to me and hugs me. she doesn't let go. at this point i'm hyperventilating. i collapse in her arms.
" you're okay i'm here."
i let go of her and just stare into her eyes. i never noticed how pretty she was. she was so thoughtful and nice.
"i'm... sorry. for everything. for the fucking remarks i say to you. for the never caring. for the fact that this is what you're doing right now."
i say this almost choking between every word.
"don't apologize, listen to me. don't. you have too much shit to deal with for you to be nice to me. i get it. don't apologize."
lily pulls out her phone and i see her text my sister.
*heyy got caught up with something... hang later?*
" okay come on, come with me"