No One But You ✔️ Reddie

Nine

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'Eds, come over here.' Richie called, poking his head through the curtains of the photobooth. The beam on his face reminded Eddie of when they were kids. 'Do you remember this thing?'

Eddie clambered into the cramped space. 'God, how the fuck did we manage to fit all the Losers in here at once?'

'Seven. Can you believe there used to be seven of us?' Richie shook his head in disbelief, fluffing his hair in the camera view.

'And then there were four.' Eddie huffed.

First Bev, then Ben. Only a few weeks prior, Bill had made the announcement that he and his family were soon to be leaving Derry. The boys were coping with it about as well as expected: steeped in denial and humour. After all, Ben had promised to stay in touch, but he hadn't. They couldn't bear to think that Bill might disappear too.

Richie fished in his pockets. He pulled out lint, a half-chewed packet of gum, a pack of cigarettes which Eddie disapproved of, an eraser, a tissue and a small green army soldier toy before he finally found a quarter. 'What do you say? For old times sake.'

Eddie took the quarter from him and fed it into the machine. It started to count down from three.

'Say 'I fucked your mom'!' Richie beamed. Flash.

Eddie clocked what Richie had said and angrily pouted, turning towards him. Richie threw his head back in laughter. Flash.

His heart swelling, Richie clutched Eddie's face and kissed him. Flash.

Eddie grinned as he twisted his head away. Richie planted another kiss on his cheek. Flash.

The machine whirred, preparing to print. Eddie's face dropped quickly. He jumped out of the booth and scooped up the pictures as they spat out of the machine, almost tearing them. Holding them tightly to his chest, he tried to breathe. For the first time in years, he fumbled for his inhaler, which wasn't there.

'Uh, Eds?'

'Don't call me Eds,' Eddie mumbled, starting to walk away.

Perplexed, Richie followed him, skipping steps and stumbling to keep up with Eddie's pace. Eventually they burst out into the courtyard. Eddie found an indented corner of the brickwork and pressed his back up against the cool terracotta, trying to calm down.

'What the fuck was that?' Richie asked.

Eddie opened his hands so that he could see the photographs. 'We've got to get rid of these.'

Richie's heart twanged. 'What? Why?' he asked, as though he didn't know the answer.

'Richie, come on.' Eddie's eyelids lowered. 'We're literally kissing in this one.'

Richie kicked a stone. 'So?'

Eddie gritted his teeth. 'So, it's evidence.'

'No one needs to see them but us.' Richie attempted, his features soft, romantic.

Eddie hardly noticed. The world was swimming in a blur of panic. 'Someone could find them. For fuck's sake, we need some boundaries. We need controls. We need plausible deniability.'

Richie scoffed, 'Plausible deniability. Jesus fucking Christ, Eds. I am so sick of denying us. I'm sick of denying what we have. I'm sick of denying who we are.'

'You mean what we are.' Eddie corrected, a thick layer of self-loathing in his voice. Richie had never heard that before, never realised how deep this went in Eddie.

'You know what?' Richie said, smiling even though his eyes brimmed with fury and defeat. 'You want to fucking destroy the pictures then you go right ahead.' He turned.

'Where are you going?' Eddie hissed after him, still trying not to attract unwanted outside attention.

'Away from you.' Richie yelled, just to hammer the point.

'Richie, you're overreacting.' Eddie muttered, looking around to see if anyone was staring. As far as he could see, they were all but alone.

'That's rich.' Richie said.

Eddie's nostrils flared, 'Beep beep, Richie.'

Richie clenched and unclenched his jaw. Quietly, he parted with, 'I'll see you later, Eddie.'

Eddie slid the incriminating photographs into his jacket. He wiped away a rogue tear, exhaled heavily, and started to walk home. Before he was halfway there, he twisted on his heels and started to make his way down to the quarry.

At first, he wasn't sure he had come to the right place. Peering over the side of the cliff, he was just able to make out Richie's legs dangling over the chasm. 'Richie?' he called down.

'Fuck off, Eddie.'

'Let's talk.' Eddie suggested.

Richie didn't say anything. Eddie looked at the cliff face. He had never made his way down it before without Richie's guiding hands. For some reason, he felt safe with Richie's arms wrapped around him, even though it probably did little to protect them both from toppling into the water. It was just a comfort, a placebo. Which meant he could do it alone. Gingerly, he climbed.

'Richie?' Eddie said, sitting down in the hollow beside him. 'I'm sorry. I just... I panicked.'

Richie didn't look at him. 'You know I thought we were making progress. I thought we were ready to accept all this. I thought, with Bill leaving so soon and all, that we should make the most of the time we have left with our friends. I was going to ask you today if you felt ready to tell them. I thought we should give ourselves the chance to be fucking honest with them.'

Eddie's chin dropped to his chest.

'But you're not ready.' Richie continued. 'Of course, you're not fucking ready. Because you haven't even accepted it yourself.'

'Richie, you don't get to decide when I'm ready.' Eddie said fervently. 'You can't tell me to be okay and make it so.'

'But you haven't accepted me either,' Richie whispered. 'It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, wrong with us, when you feel so strongly that way. It's like you're ashamed of me. Like you're afraid of me.'

That was when Eddie's heart broke in two. 'Fuck, Richie, I'm not afraid of you. God, you're the only person in the world who I'm not fucking afraid of. And I'm not afraid of me either. Or of us.' Eddie breathed deeply, and a wash of realisation flooded through his body as he finally understood how he felt. 'I'm afraid for us.'

Richie softened enough to take Eddie's hand. He squeezed it tightly.

Eddie explained, 'I'm afraid of losing my mom, and losing more of our friends, of getting beaten up and killed or dying of a fucking disease that's brand fucking new. I have so many questions and nowhere to get any fucking answers. All I get from my mom is that the world doesn't see me as a person and doesn't want me in it.'

Richie tried to ignore the fact that Eddie was crying, because it was only making his heart ache.

'So yeah, I'm really fucking scared.' Eddie admitted. 'But I'm not scared of you. The only thing I'm scared of is losing you.'

Richie drew his hand up to Eddie's face and wiped at the streams running down his cheeks. 'You won't lose me, Eds. I promise.' He kissed him. It tasted of salty tears, like the ocean.

Eddie looked at Richie. And he finally knew how Richie must have been feeling in their relationship, how it felt to be caged and claustrophobic, trapped and berating at the bars, because he finally felt something inside him that threatened to burst. The difference was, Eddie could open the flood gates.

'I love you, Richie.'

Richie smiled, wide, then he burst out laughing. Before Eddie could speak, he planted a dozen kisses all over his worried face. 'I love you too, Eddie Spaghetti,' he said. 'So fucking much.'

They watched the sun set over the horizon.