only the brave | larry [ENG]

3

 Louis' POV

    I opened my eyes, catching my head quickly. I was always in pain when I got up, so no one was surprised to find a packet of painkillers on my bedside table, right next to the frame with the family photo. I opened the cardboard box and took out a sheet of pills. I stuffed one out and put it in my mouth. I took a sip of the water from the bottle and swallowed it all. I slipped my feet into the warm gray slippers Lottie had made for me for my last birthday. They were just wool socks with a plush trim, but I wore them all the time. Every time my legs felt cold when they felt no soft covering. I got up from the bed and, rubbing my eyes with my hands, went to the door. I entered the living room, looking at the wall clock. 

      ,,Shit" I approached the sisters who were having breakfast at the kitchen island. I leaned against the table top, lowering my head. I had to shake off, and although I hadn't had a drink the night before, it felt like I had poured liters of alcohol into myself. 

      ,,Everything's okay?" asked the thirteen-year-old, putting her hand on my shoulder. I looked up at Felicite. She raised her eyebrows, tilting her head.

      ,,Yes" I smiled gently  ,,You have nothing to worry about."

      The brunette gave me a wary look. It didn't surprise me. She was afraid that I would fall into the swamp again and we would experience the same experience as a year ago. The time when I couldn't handle the burden. Half a year of destroying your life and dragging all your loved ones with you, and then months of therapy. The events that led to the point where I almost lost my life. But I survived. And from that day on, I swore to myself that I would see that no smoldering fire around me ever touched them. Then I would die. Internally. And maybe also physically.

      ,,I made you coffee" she tossed, pointing her hand at the table I was leaning against ,,The sweet buns are on the plate. You have half an hour, don't be late."

      ,,Thank you, Fizzy" I ruffled her hair. The amused brunette tried to pretend to be angry, but it didn't really work out. I shook my head as she circled the island, returning to the kitchen.

      If I didn't know her, I wouldn't say she's thirteen. Aside from the appearance itself, which is quite confusing, her nature added to her age. Felicite's maturity and mindset was not at all similar to that of other people in her age. In fact, our whole family was brought up differently under the influence of lifestyle. While the other kids were playing in the playground, we often looked after the house. And honestly, it didn't bother me.

      ,,Hi Clifford" I stroked a black Labradoodle that was squirming under my feet waiting for some crumbs. The dog began wagging its tail happily. I took a sip of unsweetened coffee and reached for a bun with pudding. I broke off a piece and tossed it to my pet. I laughed and took a bite of my own.

      I listened to my siblings' conversations as I consumed breakfast. I checked my watch every now and then to check the time. It was Saturday, so my mother had been at the gallery from the morning, and I had to hurry to my work as well. When it struck nine o'clock I left the apartment, changing my pajamas to sweatpants before. I didn't pay attention to my appearance, knowing that I would have to wear work clothes anyway. I crossed the road reaching the nearest bus stop. London weather was still fairly bearable for October, although Grandma would have killed me for not wearing a jacket at fifteen degrees Celsius. 

      I sat down on the bench waiting for transport. It always showed up at the same time and I was always too early. Habit. I closed my eyes for a moment, and once I opened them, the driver opened the bus door. I got in, asking for one downtown ticket. I took my seat at the very end, sighing softly. I looked at one of the seats next to it, on which a smile was drawn with a black marker pen with crosses for eyes. I remembered exactly the day I did it. One of the late June evenings, a few days after the end of the penultimate class. I had an argument with my family then and didn't dare to go home, so I was pacing the city for several hours, dragged by my own thoughts and the music streaming from my headphones.