The Connotations of Home

Chapter 9

Harry

"Are you free? Really need to talk to you."

That sentence made Harry's heart pound, as though someone was frantically beating drumsticks on his chest. He didn't even know what Louis wanted to talk about but he prayed to God he hadn't found out.

"Is everything okay?" He typed out, shaky fingers barely able to press the correct letters on the keyboard.

"Yeah, it's not a bad thing, I promise. Don't worry."

That message should have started to ease him a bit, but his body clearly didn't get that message - his chest might as well have a rope wrapped tightly around it, someone yanking it and dragging him down with all their strength.

"Field?"

"Sure."

It was chilly outside, but not quite cold enough for a coat. An awkward temperature, but maybe that was just because Harry was struggling to calm down and his palms might as well be dripping with nervous sweat.

The grass was damp from the cold evening air but soggy jeans were the least of his concerns right now. Louis sat down beside him, looking equally as nervous.

"I don't even know how I'm meant to do this." Louis' head was dropped down to his chest, voice still shaky as if he was forcing the words out unwillingly.

"You don't have to say it if you don't feel comfortable yet... that-that's totally okay."

Louis looked up to face Harry and his mouth moved, but he didn't speak. His eyes looked so fearful and vulnerable, as though they were screaming every word in his mind, but his mouth wouldn't let them come out. Harry hated seeing Louis like this, he felt so helpless.

"I..." He trailed off, meekly. His voice sounded like it was on the verge of breaking any second.

"You what?" Harry inquired as gently as possible, trying not to break Louis completely. He clearly didn't need any more pressure than he was currently feeling.

Silence. Louis' eyebrows twitched and he clearly had something to say on the tip of his tongue. Harry would have done anything to see inside his mind right now.

"I can't..." His words were barely there, Harry only just close enough to hear them.

"That's okay." Harry lowered his head slightly to be eye-level with Louis. He considered putting a hand on Louis' back, but he didn't want to invade his personal space. He didn't know what to do.

He could see tears prick in the back of Louis' eyes, his expression faltering. Harry decided to wrap his arm firmly around Louis shoulder and nudge him into a hug.

Louis willingly fell sideways into him, resting his now wet cheek on Harry's shoulder. Harry turned himself to fit Louis in both of his arms. Louis completely gave himself over to Harry, sinking his face into his chest as he let out a muffled sob. Harry stroked his back, pulling him closer carefully as to not suffocate the poor boy.

Harry could feel Louis' tears through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, and damn, Louis really must have needed this. There was a clear trust in the way he was holding Harry, pulling him into him, gripping his back so firmly yet gently.

Neither of them spoke properly for a few minutes, just Louis sniffling into Harry's chest while Harry rested his head on top of Louis', gently stroking between his shoulder blades and holding him close. Louis' breathing eventually calmed but tears were still flooding down his cheeks.

It broke Harry's heart to see him like this and all Harry could do was hold him and hope that he was helping in some way. Still, he felt more helpful than the other night, when all he could do was lie there. At least he could hold Louis this time and be there for him.