Sinecerely a growing woman

Funny

It's funny how I come over as confident
When in reality my body and brain are screaming and warning me of every danger that could possibly happen.
It's funny how I can instantly smile and make someone laugh, but feel Sad at the same time.
It's funny how I can stand up for someone else but am scared to go to the doctor alone.
It's funny how I could be so sarcastic and confident talking to a man and at the same time feel so nervous and scared.
It's funny how I say I don't need him or want him in my life but still feel like I missed a father figure in my life.
It's funny how I make these incredibly good comebacks and arguments in my head with my mom or to my aunt, but feel so small and childish when I try to strike a conversation.
It's funny how I have so many good friends that support me and accept me the way I am , but still feel so alone.
It's funny
It's so funny
I am so much fun
And it's funny because sometimes I don't even feel like I'm having fun.
It's funny how I wished I was older when I was little because I thought I wouldn't be scared anymore.
It's funny how I thought that when I get older I would out grow my fears.
It's funny that every time I grow out of them new ones appear.
It's funny now that I realise the world didn't get more fucked up, it already was I just now realised it.
It's funny that the older I get the less I want to have kids.
It's funny how the older I get the more scared I get of men.
The older I get the more the more I feel alone.
Sincerely