Reflection | PJM

9| feeling*

After obsessively thinking through most of the night, you've prepared at least 100 different scenarios in which you can approach Jimin.

You've decided to put some extra time into grooming yourself today. Your hair is slicked back into a ponytail with some of your stray baby hairs gelled down into pretty swirls. You've brushed and filled your eyebrows in the most natural way possible. Sugar scrub and then tinted lip balm.

You're wearing a white crop top with baggy grey sweats. It's been a long time since you've worn anything other than a hoodie and shorts to classes.

Your peers steal glances at you and gossip, wondering who's made you change your ways.

Trembling from nervousness, classes have ended and it's time for your private lesson. You stand outside the glass door, still struggling to choose which scenario you want to play out.

When you enter the room, the air feels unnervingly stiff. Jimin hears the door open and immediately reacts by playing upbeat music on the speakers.

"Let's stretch," he says, skipping the niceties.

Caught off-guard, you drop your bag to the floor and join him in stretching, dodging your plan to talk before practice gets started. You attempt to stretch your glutes by crossing one leg over the other and twisting your core.

"Your position is a bit off," he notices. He shows you how to properly do the stretch but you genuinely don't quite understand how you're doing it wrong.

"Can you put me into position?" you ask innocently.

He takes a second to consider and then shrugs with a weak smile. He places one hand behind your knee and tugs it forward while holding your upper body in place with the other hand rested on your shoulder.

You search his eyes for a hint of expression. After his gaze meets yours, he releases you from the stretch and stands up, dusting his hands off. "That's how you do it."

You thank him and stretch the other side. Feeling unexpectedly more nervous than earlier, you contemplate whether you'll muster the balls to talk to Jimin at all today.

You mention, "I aced my assignment. I think I've earned Jung-nim's respect again."

He nods his head, "I heard. I'm your mentor so your instructors keep me updated on your progress."

"Oh." You feel your self-esteem lowering as you can sense a sort of disinterest emanating from Jimin.

With your muscles perfectly stretched, you're physically ready to learn your next assignment. Except your head isn't where you promised him it would be yesterday.

The confidence you've worked up has dissipated into the stiff air, leaving you hopeless and shy, a total contrast from the background music that's annoyingly playing in a loop. You feel out of place.

Jimin counts the steps as he instructs. You follow him silently, memorizing the routine right away.

After showing him your best effort, you hold the ending pose for three seconds and then fall to the ground, laying in your usual starfish position. The routine was long and exhausting.

You turn your head to look at him. He's smiling hard but without teeth, like he's trying to stop himself from bursting into laughter.

This pleases you. You start to giggle, and this triggers an explosive laugh from Jimin.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Resting," you say lightly. "Join me."

He sits like a pretzel at your side and you start to move your limbs like you're making snow angels on the floor. "I want to talk to you about something," you begin.