under the clouds - nct, norenmin

☁ 15 ☁

"mom is right. i shouldn't start getting attached this quick." jeno muttered, sat at his place in the cold classroom, waiting for the room to be filled.

he leaned on the table, resting his forehead on the dirty table to close his eyes and relax.

his heart was clenched.

on the one hand, there was jaemin, the sweet heart who had brought happiness to his days, and on the other hand were fading memories of his father.

his father was a great man. he was loved by many, and a role model for young jeno.

they were a perfect family. jeno, his mother, his father, their cats – because, yeah, jeno's father loved cats and adopted lots of them...

a family. that's what they were. nothing could separate them. nothing could go wrong. and yet, it did...

when jeno was five, they learned about his father's uncurable disease.

and that's where everything started to collapse.

but jeno's father was a strong man. he fought the disease. he refused to let himself die within ten days. that was a big no. he wanted to be strong for his wife; strong for his son.

and so, he fought, for long.

it's only five year after learning about his disease that he passed away, taking with him jeno's positive emotions.

despite his sever disease, jeno's father hid it, or at least, tried not to show it. he did that to spend some time with jeno, as a father and a son would do. he wanted his son be proud of him.

but how could he do that?

after a year, he started to have trouble walking, needing a cane.

after two years, he weakened a lot, not being able to stand alone for long, and needing to sleep a lot.

after three years, his cognitive senses had slowly faded.

after four years, he couldn't walk anymore.

and then, his respiratory system started to clog and malfunction, making breathing more and more difficult every day.

and one morning, he didn't wake up.

jeno had seen his father's condition worsening. he even considered that he was the one who made it worse.

perhaps that his father would still be there with him if he hadn't been such a hyperactive kid.

but no. jeno had ignored his father's condition to live his best life. sure, that's what his father wanted, but now, jeno regretted everything he had done.

his father's death, when he was ten, had emptied his heart.

and that's how he developed this constant fear of losing the ones he loves, just like he lost his father.

and obviously, the easiest way to not lose the ones you love is to love no one.

and that's what he did.

jeno cut ties with every single person he had talked with. he stopped talking to them, rejected them, and even insulted the tougher ones. he didn't care of being hated. he just never wanted to live the horrible process of losing someone you're attached to.

so, since then, lee jeno became a loner. no friends, no attachment, no affection, nothing.

the only bits of affection he allowed himself to show was to his mother, who had lived the same traumatic experience as him, and to his cats, his father's favourite animal.

other than that, lee jeno became the anti-social, emotion-less kid...

his mother had gone through the same pain. she lost her soulmate, her other half...

she had been completely broken when they had learned about the disease, and her heart had combusted when her husband had passed away.

but she eventually got over it.

it wasn't easy, not at all. but she couldn't keep being sad. not in front of jeno. she had to stay strong for him. his father wouldn't want any of them to be sulking.

and so, she had tried to reason jeno.

she had told him that it would be harder for him to face things alone, that he should find friends to rely on, people he could trust. but jeno didn't want that.

she respected his choice, understanding him completely. after all, she wouldn't be looking for a new companion in life. she wanted no one else than her lost half...

but even if she knew jeno would never change his mind, she kept trying.

what if one day, someone made jeno's mind change?

"are you alright?" a voice asked at the same time as a hand was delicately placed on jeno's back.

jeno raised his head, his eyes falling directly into renjun's dark ones.

"you're crying." renjun said, a bit taken aback by the sight.

"it's nothing." jeno sniffed, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.

"are you sure?" renjun raised a brow. "you can talk to me if you want." he added, sitting at the desk in front of jeno's.

"don't worry. i'd rather stop thinking about it." jeno gulped.

"okay. i will stop asking then." renjun gave him a small smile.

this action tightened jeno's heart.

it had to be the first time renjun truly smiled at jeno.

they had exchanged fake smiles, lots of times actually.

but this smile renjun had given him was much more important. it was genuine, looking almost cute on renjun's usually angry face.

"huh..." renjun got flustered of the way jeno was looking at him. both boys weren't used to these kinds of exchanges. "h-how can i help you then?"

jeno passed a hand through his hair. "help me think about something else. i need someone to take my mind off this matter."

renjun coughed. "huh, well... have you... have you seen jaemin this morning?"

jeno put his chin on his palm, sighing.

sure, his depressing thoughts had started because he was thinking about jaemin, but then, his thoughts had wandered to way darker secrets.

and now, jeno really needed to picture jaemin's beautiful smile to make him forget about all those negative thoughts.

"yeah..." he said dreamily. "crop tops on him are illegal."

"i totally agree. like boy! i want to squish him between my arms and caress his sides..."

jeno chuckled at the image of a squirming jaemin into renjun's tiny arms. "i can relate."

renjun winked at jeno.

"he's incredible." renjun told.

"he's more than that, huang." jeno said playfully. "he's perfect."

"you're right, lee."