under the clouds - nct, norenmin

☁ 17 ☁

it was pretty late at night, but none of the boys inside renjun's small house wanted to move.

renjun and jeno both had their eyes glued to the screen while jaemin had fallen asleep, his head on jeno's shoulder and holding renjun's arm against his chest. a cute sight to see.

when the angel let out a small noise, both humans looked at him, thinking he was waking up, when in fact, he had just snored in the cutest way.

"he's adorable." jeno let out, breaking the silence.

"can't deny that." renjun nodded. "but he's drooling on your shirt." he added.

jeno looked at jaemin's angelic face before smiling. "i don't mind."

the two got back to watching the film in silence, but actually, none of them were really paying attention to the screen.

"i heard you talking to your mom a while ago." renjun broke the silence again.

jeno turned his head towards renjun, making sure not to make a sudden move and wake up jaemin.

"i didn't want to eavesdrop, but you seemed sad. really."

"yeah." jeno simply said, not really knowing how to answer to that.

"did it have something to do with the reason behind your tears the other day?"

jeno looked at the chinese in shock before nodding slowly and turning his head back towards the tv.

renjun picked the remote on the table and switched the tv off, allowing jeno to see him in the black screen's reflect.

"get it off your chest." renjun said. "you need it."

"it won't change anything." jeno replied.

"it will. trust me." renjun tried to convince the boy.

"are you even willing to hear me talking about my problems?" jeno snorted.

"i am willing to help." renjun responded. "but for that, you have to open up."

jeno waited a few seconds before answering. "we don't even know each other enough for these kinds of things."

renjun broke the eye contact with jeno and stared at the black screen blankly, jeno doing the same.

"i hate the sea." renjun spoke after a minute of complete silence.

jeno looked at him with furrowed brows, but renjun didn't spare him a glace. he kept his eyes locked with the life-less screen.

"if you're not going to open up, let me do it first. then you'll know me better and will be more likely to talk to me about your problems."

jeno nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on the chinese boy.

"i came to korea because of family problems." renjun spoke slowly. "well, i came to go to a renown art school, but i mostly came because i couldn't bear my family anymore."

jeno gulped, seeing renjun's eyes darkening.

"i used to have a beautiful life. i used to be loved by my parents and everything. but it all changed when i was seven." he sighed. "they started to bring me to the beach more often. at first it was once a month, and it slowly became once a week. we lived in the countryside, one hour away from the sea. but without any reason, they started to be fascinated by the sea. at some point, they even decided to move houses to get nearer to the sea. there was one strange thing though... it was always the same sea, the same beach. we could have visited tons of them, but no. we always got to the same one, which didn't make much sense, because it was pretty ugly. and yeah... when i was nine, we moved there."

"and... is it a bad thing?"

"at first, it didn't seem like one." renjun told. "but it quickly became hell for me that particular day. i got home earlier than usual. and when i got home, i found my father with a stranger, doing it on the living room's couch."

jeno nearly chocked on his saliva at what renjun had said.

"but that's not what's worse." he added, his eyes empty. "i ran out of the house before they could see me and got the furthest away possible. i made a mistake though... i stayed on the beach. and this allowed me to find my mother in the arms of another man, acting as she should have acted with my father."

"so..." jeno hesitated. "what did you do?"

"nothing." renjun replied bluntly. "i got back home at night, as if nothing had happened, and i got horrified by what i lived. both my parents were cheating on each other, and yet, they acted as they always had. fighting a lot, speaking about my art as if it was the most useless thing ever, and going out of the house from time to time to 'have a smoke' or 'breathe in some fresh air'. both were completely oblivious about the other's adventures and lived their best life knowing they were liars and cheaters. and so, i broke down. the three of us were always arguing about everything and nothing, we were in constant disagreement, but i could never spill their secrets to defend myself. i loved them too much to break them like that... so, i left. and since then, seeing the sea reminds me about these liars that i can't seem to hate. and this is what's hurting me the most."

jeno nodded, passing his arm behind jaemin's body to caress renjun's shoulder.

"i'm sorry." he said sincerely. "i didn't know you had gotten through this much."

"it's okay." renjun looked at him for the first time in a while, his pale cheeks strained by tears that jeno wiped with his thumb delicately.

"we're not that different from each other, after all." jeno whispered.

"how so?" renjun sniffed.

"just like you, i used to have a great family. i lived happily with my father and my mother. everything was perfect. but when i turned five, some doctors told my father he had a degenerative disease, and that he was going to die soon. and he did, five years later. what was the most horrible was seeing his condition getting worse every day. one day, he was able to walk, and the next one, he needed to be on a wheelchair. and we couldn't do anything about it."

renjun sniffled again, new tears falling from his beautiful eyes at jeno's emotional story. he took jeno's hand in his own, showing his support to the boy.

"losing a loved one, literally or figuratively, is the worst thing that could happen to anyone." jeno told, voice trembling. "this is why i push everybody away. i don't want to get attached and to have loved ones. i'm too afraid i will lose them one day..."

"i'm sorry." renjun chocked before sobbing.

"hey, hey." jeno lifted his head with his hand. "what are you sorry for? it's not your fault."

"b-but... i kept repeating you had no friends, when actually, you were suffering inside, and..."

"renjun." jeno spoke. "i wasn't the best boy out there either."

"but i was way worst..."

"let's forget about this." jeno spoke. "we're friends now. everything got better."

"f-friends?" renjun asked, finding that these words contradicted his past statements.

"yeah. i can't stay glued on my past." jeno spoke slow. "i need to let go and find myself a happy place..."

renjun wiped his tears with his fingers. "how can you tell yourself that after all you've been through?"

"my mom keeps repeating it. and she's always right. i'm not a hundred percent convinced about it, but i should try."

renjun nodded.

both boys looked into each other's eyes, finding comfort where they used to feel hate.

"let jaemin and i be your happy place." renjun spoke after a while.

jeno chuckled. "yeah, we're on the right path."