Bears Know Best

Chapter 6: Expectations

I WAS DISORIENTED as I felt a nudge, a poke, and finally someone tickling my side! I jumped and squealed and sleepily turned towards my attacker, "Stop it," I pouted.

"We're home," Alyssa told me. I looked out the window and could see we were at home in the garage already. The door was still open behind us.

"Ugh..." I complained.

"Are you this grouchy in the morning?" Alyssa asked me.

"Always," Mom answered. I stuck my tongue out at her, that wasn't fair!

"I guess I've been warned for future sleepovers!" Alyssa said bemusedly.

'Sleepovers?' I thought to myself. 'Well, I think Alyssa at least has decided I'm really a girl... Sure would be nice if I knew!'

"Anyway, thanks for taking me with you guys," Alyssa told us as we all climbed out.

"Thanks for coming," I found myself saying, before rushing over to her and giving her a hug. "Thank you," I said more.

She hugged me back, "Anytime Taylor, I can't imagine what this is like for you."

We parted and I turned back to see Mom opening the back of the Escape, and a view of all of the damage from today. I gasped as I came to understand just how much stuff we really had bought!

"Come on Taylor, these bags aren't going to make it inside on their own!" Mom told me.

I sighed and started to grab as many bags as I could for the first run inside. "Let's just set everything in the living room for now, that way it's not as far to the laundry room," Mom told me as we walked in the door. It took us each three loads to get everything inside, and I could feel my eyes bugging out.

"I think this is more than I brought with me from Atlanta..."

Mom shrugged, "It might be, but if you are a girl, this is barely a start..."

I don't know why, but I started to cry then. I found myself in my mom's embrace, and couldn't stop crying for the third time today. 'What's wrong with me?' I asked myself as I hiccupped and couldn't seem to stop crying, no matter what.

"Shhh, it's okay Taylor," I heard Mom soothe. She eventually led me to the couch and held my shoulders and head as I continued crying for an untold amount of time. When I finally managed to start to breathe again, and stopped doing more than sniffling, Mom said, "I'm sorry we pushed you so far today Taylor, we can take all of this back if you want," she seemed to be jumping to the obvious conclusion that I didn't want to be a girl.

I shook my head, "No, that's just it, I liked the clothes when I tried them on earlier," I sniffled and took a Kleenex she offered me. "I think I'm more worried if I'm supposed to be a..." I just couldn't finish the sentence.

"Boy?" she somehow guessed correctly.

I nodded again. She sat there with me silently, waiting for me to speak. "It's just... that I think I'm actually pretty..."

"You were until the mascara gave way," Mom told me wryly.

I felt my hands go up involuntarily to my face. I remembered seeing a couple of 'raccoon eyed' girls at school before. "Oh no...!"

"It's okay Taylor, we'll go wash your face off in a minute, go on."

"I know you left me with Dad because you thought he would be better off money wise..."

"He was Taylor, and I don't think I made the wrong choice," she told me sadly. I looked in her eyes and noticed for the first time how guilt ridden they were on this subject. I had literally hated her for leaving me for the last eight years. It was only Rachel getting worse and worse that had driven me to consider the inconceivable idea of moving to live with her. I felt her squeeze me again.