look how they shine for you

chapter/4

TK POV continued :

Carlos stood back at the door, his right hand gripping the door knob his knuckles almost white. I stepped forward to unlatch his fingers but instead of undoing them, he pulls me by my arm into a hug. I could hear him taking deep breathes as he tried to calm his racing heart down. Michelle really has been rubbing off on him in my absence.

"I missed you. I miss you now and I'm in your arms how does that work?" He said into my hair and my eyes get glassy, I missed you too baby I want to say but I know we aren't there yet. I just dumped a lot of shit on him and right now isn't the time for nicknames.

"Don't cry honey, it's okay I'm here now. I got you, nothing is going to happen with me here okay? Don't worry it's all going to get better. You were born strong, you can do this. But the only difference this time, is that your going to have me at your side. We'll do this together yeah?"

I nodded into his shoulder the tears coming faster now that he said we. I don't know what came over my honestly, but I wasn't thinking at all when I raised to my tippy toes and kissed his cheek. silently whispering a "Thank you Carlos" into his neck when the soles of my feet hit the ground once again.

"Don't ever thank me for loving you." was all he said in response, making my body freeze.  

Fuck, fuck , fuck I thought. 

Did he just say he loved me?

 Like he loves me loves me, or is it the pity for a friend love? I don't want that type of love from him. I want the soulmate love that we once had. I want back what we had in general. 

I slapped myself into reality when I remembered that there might be a chance where that will never be able to happen again. All because I trusted a fucking post mates driver. 

Fuck has my life gone to shit or what? 

"Welcome to the comedy road show , on channel 12 guest starring Tyler Kennedy Strand , make some noise for him everybody!! "

I lick my lips before I snap them shut, I will not say what I was just thinking, that would be embarrassing. Even though it won't top the fact that I got raped by a post mates driver,  I don't think anything else in my life will ever be able to top that, but I'm not looking for anything to either. The only thing I'm worried about now is healing at this point. 

Fuck I'm rambling , I noticed a constant stream of breath on the top of my head stopped but before I know it , he's pulling my out of his arms to look into my face. I looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. Almost giving him a what are you doing look, but I relax when I feel him wiping my tears, his soft hands caressing my face almost like I was some kind of expensive jewel.  

"Is there anything else that you can remember about that day? The amount of time your body was induced under the drugs?" He said snapping me out of my own head for the second time already.

"I don't- No I don't remember much , only a handful of things. The look on you're face when you walked into the room, his hands all over my body, and me pushing him off. It's horrible thinking back and reliving that day every single hour now it feels like. I don't know how I kept this to myself for so long without telling anyone other than dad. He's going to kill the man by the way, I was on the way to him for lunch to make sure he had his head on straight , but this talk has ruined all of those plans. Can you give me a second? I just need to do damage control really quickly." 

"Sorry to have wasted your time TK, didn't know you were on such a tight schedule. I'll try to make it quick next time when I spill my heart out to you." He said sounding affronted and hurt, that's the last thing I wanted him to feel like. 

Shit, I thought, have I done it now.

"No, babe you know that's not what I meant, right?? You know me , I would never- any conversation with you is the highlight of my life. Even the bad and teary eyed one's where were yelling , I still love you and everything about you. Even then and forever okay? Please don't ever doubt that, don't ever doubt me and my love for you Carlos. That's one thing in my life that's infinite." I said desperately trying to show him how much he means to me without sounding like a love sick puppy.

Even though, let's be honest, I am all of the above. 

"Carlos? Say something anything please? You know I didn't mean it like that , yeah?"

He looked at me and nodded, he reached his hand towards my side so I stepped closer, not realizing that he wanted a hug instead. I leaned my left hip into his side , but he just put both hands on my shoulder and adjusted me until my front was to his front as well.

"Is this okay? If I hug you?"

I blinked up at him , my mind going foggy with the softness of his voice , of course is was okay if he hugged me.

"Yes, it's okay" Was all I managed to say before he pulled me into the one of the best hugs of my life.

Standing in his embrace all I could do was nuzzle my head into his neck. I silently sent a few prayers up to God , thanking him for everything he's done in my life up until this point, that brought my love back to me. 

My Carlos back to me. 

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A/N; Thank you all for reading my stories and continuing to support me. You mean the world and I am incredibly thankful for you. You make me and my writing better.

I'm going through some personal things, so I don't know when the next update will be , thank you for your patience in advance.

Remember that you are loved , and I hope you find a reason to stay. We all can't make it , but I'll be damned if I don't save as many as I can. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you ever need anything. 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline1-800-273-8255

-love you all deep, Steph.