clandestine affairs in a cruel world.

a family gathering? // pt. 4

     I faced my mother's face with fear in every inch of my body, wondering what her question is. What could it even be? "Te gustan los hombres?" "Te llevó con un especialista para tu condición?" The thought of being outed or even sent somewhere for loving who i love sent me into a indescribable suffering.

     Only to be ended by this: "Everyone's coming to our house tomorrow, one of your abuela's sobrina got sick yesterday. Do you want to stay in my room or your room?"

    I immediately started laughing hysterically while my mom stared at me wondering if  i was laughing at something else or laughing at the fact that someone's sick.

"Sorry, i remembered something funny. But i don't mind if we stay in either room," I responded trying to hold in my laughter.

"Great, we're sleeping in your room, mijo," she immediately responded. She only liked sleeping in my room because she sleeps in a bed she actually likes since her bed is rock-hard.

     I glanced to the trees that passed us and wondered about what would have happened if she asked me what i thought she was going to ask. I can't even begin to fathom what my response would be, but I calm myself at the thought that that phase in my life hasn't arrived yet. How would i even tell Arilino's pare- okay, okay, stop. I need to reassure myself that i'm safe. Last thing I want to do is overthink, and especially overthink about the worst possible outcomes.

We arrived moments later to my house, and we began to prepare for our guests tomorrow. If you didn't know, the only way to prepare for guests in our culture is to make a shit ton of food. My mother began to slow-cook beans and making the dough for tamales, and I prepared the rice and chicken while somehow being able to stain my apron. When I finished I sighed and plopped myself down onto the kitchen chairs, facing the window onto the front gate. I was about to close my eyes when I heard the front gate opening, seeing Arilino walking through the front gate. He saw me through the window and shot a tiny wave at me. I rushed my little chef ass to the door and opened it for him.

"Hola amo- Arilino," I stuttered, blushing lightly.

"Hola?" he asked with a concerned face.

I invited him in and my mom was already serving a plate for him even though he didn't ask for one. I honestly didn't even know she made food....

"Here, mijo. You need to eat, you're too skinny!" my mom said as she invited Arilino to sit down and eat.

"Do I get any?" I asked my mom hopefully.

"No. Come finish your work, inútil," she answered heartlessly. I put my head down and slowly walked towards the stove, working my ass off.

When Arilino finished, he got his plate and was about to wash it when my mom saw and smacked his hand, causing the plate to fall lightly on the sink.

"No! Don't wash your plate, mijo. I'll do it for you, go have fun with Isaias," my mom said sternly. "And you," she said while pointing to me, "you can go now, spend time with your friends mijo!"

I thanked her four times before she got annoyed by me and Arilino and I walked to the room, jumping on the bed as Arilino came to sit next to me. We smiled at each other for a couple of seconds and leaned in for a kiss when all of a sudden-

"HOLAAAAAAA!" a high-pitched squeaky noise came from the door. " What are you guys doing? Were you two kissing?"

" Fernando! What are you doing here! And no we were kissi- I MEAN- NO, we WEREN'T kissing!" I embarrassingly responded.

"QUIEN SE ESTÁ BESANDO? VALE MÁS QUE PARAS TU MIERDA ISAIAS!!" my mom screamed as she somehow overheard our conversation from the kitchen. The power my mother holds...

I screamed into a pillow nearby and then calmly said, " We weren't kissing! I was telling Arilino a secret! Ven aquí, Fernando. I'm going to tell you the secret as well..."

" What did that poor pillow ever do to you..." Arilino sighed while still laughing.

    After telling Fernando a fake secret, Arilino started talking to him about his favorite colors and that gave me the perfect chance to speak with my mom. As I got up and walked to the door, I leaned against the doorframe and saw how interested and genuine Arilino looked with Fernando. I know he'll make a great dad one day...

    I walked to my mom to ask her why Fernando is here when I saw my aunt and my uncle on the table already eating flan from Michoacán. 

"Hola tíos! Como están?" I cheerfully greeted. I haven't seen them in over a year after my grandma's passing, so seeing them is a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me.

" Bien! We were just telling your mom how skinny she got! Pásame la dieta, hermana!" my uncle joked.

"Puro Chloe Ting, hermano!" my mom said back while resisting tears of laughter.

" Okay amá... that's enough-" I said seriously. "How was your trip?" I asked my aunt.

" Oh it was very long. I had almost forgotten the way to Nuevo..." my aunt continued, but I drowned out the noise, focusing on Arilino peeping out with an asleep Fernando in his arms like a baby.

    I kept staring at Arilino so much that even my aunt stopped talking to see what I see was looking at.  She gasped in awe as she saw Arilino holding Fernando just the way she used to carry him as a baby.

" Awwww, my baby fell asleep? Muchas gracias, mijo. He was struggling to sleep all day! Oh! Where are my manners? I'm Italia, and you are...?" my aunt wondered.

" Ehm, Arilino. Gusto conocerla! I was reading Fernando a bedtime story I found in Isaias's bookshelf and I decided to read it to him," he responded nervously while fidgeting with his feet.

" Ahh, well we can't thank you enough, mijo. I'm Gerardo, by the way! Nice to meet you!" my uncle excitedly said.

    It was pretty weird but for a moment all of my family seemed to be mesmerized by Arilino for a second. I excused me and Arilino to go do "homework" and went to my room. I closed the blinds as it was getting dark and went to go lie on the bed with Arilino.

"You do know that the book you read to Fernando was the book that my mom used to read to me every night I went to go wake her up when I was scared? It's nice to see how it might get passed down to my kids," I said in a soft tone while tucking me and Arilino in bed.

    Arilino turned around slowly and blushed a little on his rosy pale cheeks and said, " It's so weird.. I felt intrigued and almost destined to pull out that book. It was almost calling my name..."

" Well whatever force it is, I just want to hold you in my arms right now, can I?" I asked half-asleep already.

" Babe, you're already snoring you know I can't say no. Ándale, fall asleep babe," Arilino suggested. "We're gonna need energy for the family gathering tomorrow."

    Oh fuck. I forgot-