How to get a bae in a day!

Step one: talking to this bae

If you are trying to get a boy bae, you should always ask him about sports. Guys love it when a girl knows their sports, I should know (I'm a Mann). If you know absolutely nothing about sports, we have this new thing called the Internet, you can quickly look up who won in the football game last night or great football teams incase he asks you which one is your favorite. Say things like this, "wowza! Those Packers are doing spectacular this year! I don't think I've seen better football than when my jumping beans gave birth to a chicken!" you are for sure to get him by saying things like that, but if he thinks your crazy just laugh continuously until your stomach hurts, then throw up on him to let him know that you think he's cute. While your talking to your bae, you should always flip your hair back and smile, that will let him know that you are interested, because girls wouldn't do that to someone they aren't interested in, and boys even know that. Now I will tell you how to get a girl bae, but it's a lot different. (Beware for strong language).

If you are trying to get a girl bae, then it is a completely different story. Girls love it when a boy talks to her about well anything, you see girls don't have anything like sports, except for Pretty Little Liars, but your bae might get the wrong impression of you if you talk to her about Pretty Little Liars. An idea might be that your teacher gives tons of homework that you can't keep up, talk to her about that, say, "My golly! Those square root things are making my alpaca attracted to my goat!" Also you should totally ask her to tutor you! Say, "would it be weird for you to help me get my alpaca away from my goat by tutoring me?" They will always reply with a firm "yes."
You could also ask how her family is doing say things like this, "My cheese died from Ebola and gave it to my parents, they died, but how is your birth people's dog doing? I heard he was trying to mate but fell into an ant butt." with that reply they will always tell you all about it. Girls also like it when you ask about their period, if they are a little cranky, say stuff like this, "um, so I couldn't help but notice that it is that time of month for you, here I brought some tampons incase you needed them." and give her a big smile. If she yells (because of being cranky) you should always stick the tampon in your mouth, smile, then take it out and hand it to her so it's nice and ready. if she throws it at you, just smile and ask her why she did that. Those are some great steps about talking and getting a bae. Tune into next weeks story on how to get a bae with physical appearance. until then.