Once again more of a short story than a poem so I'm sorry, but bear with me, okay? I haven't been feeling my greatest recently...
~~~
My teenage years are supposed to be the best years of my life, my mom always told me. But, to me, they have been the worse; all the disappointment from me or to me, the bad grades even though I study for hours every night, the break ups, the bullies...
Fat, they'd say.
Ugly, they'd shout.
Disgrace, they'd taunt.
I don't even know how to feel anymore. About anything. All I feel is this longing emptiness and the need to sob my heart out every chance I'm alone.
Sometimes I'd break down in class, fall out of my chair onto the ground as my heart breaks into a millions pieces, sobbing my heart out. Sometimes my sobbing got so bad I was choking on my own tears, not able to breath for minutes at a time.
And, as I think of those times, the times I almost died of choking, I wish I had. At least then I would've felt the pain I deserved up until the very last minute of my life.
Slut, they'd say.
I've never slept with anyone... Unless you count the one time my father raped me. I don't count it.
Clutching this bottle, I realize that it's not an escape I want. I just want to make the pain go away.
Fuck off pain.
I want to be somewhere where I'll be happy. Hopefully Heaven is better than here in this shit hole.
I start to twist the top off, Will I even go to Heaven? Doesn't matter, I decide as I set the lid on the floor beside me, even Hell would be better than being here.
I pour the pills in the bottle onto my open palm as more tears run down my face. I can't back down now, and I know it. I can't.
I pop them in.
