Heart of a Berserker: Oneshots

Unraveling (Part 3)

A/N: Here's part three!

***

Unraveling

Every time Harald was away from Brennda, his raging doubts and criticism returned. He did his best to keep them at bay, but he knew he would have to face reality eventually. During a walk with Brennda after a nice day together, he ended up pushing her away because she dug too deep. The following morning, he decided to start breaking his eventual departure to her slowly. If he somewhat prepared her for that was to come, maybe he could reduce some of the damage.

He explained to her that fate had already decided that their paths were divergent. As much as he enjoyed being with her, it could not last. As expected, she did not take it well. It was her utter defiance of his assertions, however, that surprised him. Even though he admitted that their time together would lead to pain, she was not sorry that he had pursued her.

"No, I'm not," she repeated when he questioned her on it. "Even if the worst happens and we never see each other again after you leave, I won't regret a thing because these have been some of the best days of my life. I don't want to forget the time I spent with you or the way I feel. I wouldn't give this up for anything. So, don't you dare say you're sorry for liking me."

Harald closed the distance between them and placed a hand on her cheek. "I'm not sorry for liking you," he said softly. "Never think I regret the time I spent with you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Never forget that." But she would. Once he betrayed the dragon riders as a whole, she would assume everything was a lie. With great reluctance, he knew it was better that way.

Brennda wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his head down until his forehead rested against hers. "Then why can't you fight for me? Fight for us?"

Harald knew he could not hide the pain in his eyes. He wished he could do as she said. He could not remember wanting anything so badly, but he was not a fighter. His father had reminded him of that fact way too often. He ran and hid when it really counted. "I would if I thought there was a way... but I can't stay with you, and my path is not one you should walk."

"And what path is this?"

"I'm sorry." Part of him wanted to tell her, but fear of rejection chilled his heart. There was no way she could accept the truth.

Brennda's eyes narrowed in frustration. "Will you quit apologizing unless you can tell me why you're sorry? What is it you don't want me to know?"

Harald cast his gaze to the ground. "If I told you, you wouldn't look at me the same way." And that just might kill him. How had it come to this? He had never intended things to get this far. She was not supposed to mean this much to him. He never wanted to have someone he couldn't afford to loose.

"You're wrong." Brennda touched his cheek, and the soft look in her eyes melted some of his resistance. "I don't care what you've done or who you think you are. Nothing can change the way I feel about you."

Her words lightened his heart, and he smiled. "Thank you, Brennda. I'm not convinced it's true, but that means the world to me." No one had ever said anything like that to him. He did not think her declaration would pass the tests that were to come, but it was nice to believe they could.

The two of them agreed to make the most of the time they had left together. Neither would budge on their position, but they did not want to waste time arguing. They managed to spend a few more days together enjoying the moment. When Harald was alone, however, instead of the usual doubts, something unfamiliar entered his mind: what if he changed his plan?

The idea was ludicrous, of course. He never changed his plans. But then, he had never met someone like Brennda or felt this way about anyone. What if she was right? Could he really put the past behind him and change his life? He knew she would be mad if he told her the truth, but he was beginning to believe she would get over and still accept him. With her help, could he start over?