Why us? - Montgomery De La Cruz

through the pain

"Mr Dempsey, before this 'friendship' ended, did something happen between you and hannah baker the summer before she took her life?" Sonya asks Zach as he sits up on the stand in the courtroom with tears clouding his vision, all he wanted was to get out of there and go to Ella but he couldn't, in fact he couldn't even bring himself to look over at her anymore, disgusted with himself and knowing that Ella would be disgusted for what he had done. He stayed silent for a few moments and then finally opened his shaking mouth to answer the question and seal his fate

"yes" Zach muttered out softly and exhaled shakily as he avoided eye contact with anyone

"What?" Sonya continues, wanting to make sure that every single person in this courtroom had heard what the boy had said

"yes we... we had sex," Zach says louder and then finally brings himself to look over at Sonya as she continued the torturous interrogation 

"Just once?" she asks

"no it was all summer" zach admits "but ut wasn't just the sex, i really did care for her" Zach reasons

"but you still cared for this other girl right?" Sonya asks and looks around, making eye contact with Ella and sending her an unreadable look before turning back around to face Zach

Zach finally brought himself to look across the courtroom and noticed the tears that were brimming the beautiful girls eyes and let out a shaky breath before saying "yes. I loved her and i always will"

Ella had felt sick to her stomach as she pushed the courtroom doors open and rushed out, the cameras were flashing on her and she quickly covered her eyes, this was a court case not the Grammys

"i think its her"

"Its Ella Emblen"

"Youre the other girl arent you"

"leave me alone" Ella chokes out through her tears and pushes her way through the crowd with her skateboard and then once she finally makes it through the swarm of people she quickly throws her board down onto the road and jumps onto it, skating to school

She wasn't surprised that she thought was going to fall off, her vision being blurred with tears but at this moment  she couldn't care less if she fell of or if she even got hit by a car

she didn't know what to think or what to do, it was her fault, it was all her fault. She knew that Zach used to have a thing for her but she had no idea that he still did, and she thought it was just a stupid schoolboy crush that would only last a term or so, but it wasn't, and deep down she had always known that, from the way that he talked to her and looked at her, he was always so gentle and he had told her so many times how he had felt but she just continued to brush it off, tell him that she didn't know what he was talking about and that she didn't feel the same

but the truth of the matter was that she did love Zach, she loved him a lot, but she was IN love with Monty, and nobody could change that.

Finally, the girl had made it to the school, the big blue doors in front of her, and for a moment she felt like she was standing outside the doors of hell, and she didn't mean it in some sort of stupid cliche where everyone was like 'i hate school it's like hell' no... she meant that some of the people here truly were monsters, monsters that terrorize people and lead them to kill themselves, and the teachers didn't care, did they?

Ella pushed the doors open, there was only one period left and then she had cheerleading practise after school. She made her way over to her locker, quickly wiping her eyes and cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears, luckily everyone was already in class, meaning that the halls were empty and she would only have 40 minutes of English class. The girl didn't know what to do with herself anymore, life was just getting more fucked up as every day passes.

As ella opened her locker she was met with a few pictures, and the first thing she noticed about them was her smile, it was a real smile, something she hadn't given in months. Her eyes then trailed over to the mirror, her eyes were red and her mascara was still poured down her cheeks, she quickly used the palm of her hand to wipe it away, but the tears just continued to fall down her cheeks, she began rubbing her face more harshly in frustration then she finally slams the locker shut with a cry and then turns around slides down the lockers as she finally lets all the tears out, crying heavily, with her sobs echoing through the empty hallways

"get up Ellie" she hears and she looks up, wiping her eyes in embarrassment and looking around, but nobody was there, she figured she really was going crazy "get up Ellie, you are stronger than this, get up, come on beautiful"

she now knew exactly who it was and it made her cry even more "i can't Jeffy, i cant do this without you"

"yes you can, you are stronger than this, I'm with you, I've always been with you and I'm never going to leave, its my job to look after you. Now get off your ass, grab your books and storm into that classroom like the fucking badass bitch you are" the voice says and she uses all of her strength to pull herself off the floor and open her locker and grab her English books and then made her way to her class with her head held high and all signs of her crying was gone and while she couldn't see him, she knew that Jeff was standing right next to her but what she didn't know was that on his face were tears, tears that had fallen for all the pain he watched the girl go through and a smile, a smile that showed how proud he was of the girl for getting through it all.

She had finished English and cheerleading practise, she didn't talk to anyone, and everyone left her alone, as they could tell that that was what she had wanted. Ellas eyes scanned around the girls locker room, she was the last one left in there. She quickly shoved the rest of her stuff in the bag and threw it over her shoulder and then walked out of the lockeroom.

The lights in the hallways were mostly all off, telling her that everyone had been gone for a while, she made her ay towards the entrance of the school but suddenly stopped walking as she heard a few loud bangs echo throughout the hallways. Was someone breaking into the school? she then heard cries, and she had instantly recognised them and quickly ran to where they were coming from.

Ella stopped outside the boy's locker room, she knew she wasn't allowed in there but she had to go and help him and considering how late it was, there was an extremely high chance that nobody else was in the school except the two of them

the cries continued and she carefully pushed the doors open and made her way in and the sight in front of her shattered her heart. Zach was sitting in a ball, crying as he leant across one of the lockers

he obviously hadn't heard her come in as he flinched when he felt arms wrap around him 

"its okay lil Z" she whispers to him and wraps one arm around his shoulders and the other around his head as she pulls him into her and begins to run her fingers through his hair as he cried into her neck. Ella was tiny compared to Zach but to anyone who looked at them in this moment, they would think different as her curled up into her

"please don't cry" she whispers to him softly and continues to run her fingers through his hair

"its all my fault, everything is my fault" he cries into her and she just holds him closer and hushes him softly

"its everyone's fault, none of us were there for her when we should have been" Ella tells him with a soft sigh "every single person in our entire grade is to blame and all of the teachers, you cant just hold all of this weight on your shoulders Zach"

"how do you do it?" Zach asks and she looks down at the boy in complete confusion

"what do you mean? how do i do what?" she says with furrowed eyes, he doesn't look up at her but he stops crying

"you go through so much, yet you're the one who is always comforting others, how are you so strong" Zach asks and she chuckles a bit

"I'm far from strong Z" she mutters out softly 

"all of these people in this shit hole can see it, Ella Emblen, you are the strongest person i have ever met" Zach says and the two sit together in silence