Pain of July

July 3

"Most painful scenario is when you see the most important person in your life thrown by thousand of flowers."

5 o'clock in the morning and I'm up. I don't know bakit ako nagising ng ganito kaaga. I got off from my bed and saw the documents in my mini table. It is mom's death certificates and some papers. I'll ask Tita what are these later.

I'm ready for a morning jog. I need this para kahit papano I can breathe. Life must go on.

I looked myself in my mirror. I'm wearing a white shirt and black short. A white rubber shoes to complete the outfit. I remember mom whenever I exercised.

"Your bottle of water."

"Your towel."

"Do you take your hair tie with you?"

Those caring words I'll never hear again. I let out a big sigh and walked out of my room.

"1,458 steps." My smartwatch updated me. More steps to go and I'll be home. Pabalik na ako nang bahay. I'm covered with my own sweat. Nakakahika to.

I'm in front of the door. I'm about to open it when I heard someone talking at the garden. Who will it be?

"Alam mo iho, yang si Mira ay napakabuting bata. Di niyan binibigyan ng sakit ng ulo ang kaniyang nanay. Kawawang bata." Nanay Tessa said. And by that I knew who she was talking to. Brian.

"Nay san ko ba ilalagay to?" Brian asked in his own accent. Nasa may patio lang ako na nahaharangan ng malaking puno. Medyo nakikita ko siyang buhat buhat ang isang malaking paso.

"Diyan lang anak. Ingatan mo yan. Isa yan sa pinakapaboritong bulaklak ni Cecile." Nanay said. She's referring to mom. Yes it is. A white rose.

Aalis na sana ako sa kinaroroonan ko nang tinawag ako ni Nanay Tessa.

"Andiyan ka pala Mira. Halika, namulaklak na ang mga daisies." Nanay shouted and informed me. Daisies are my favorites.  Kahit ayokong tingnan dahil madami akong alaala sa garden na ito but I chose to go.

"You're right nay, namulaklak na sila. They're beautiful." Sabi ko at inamoy ang isa sa kanila. On my periperal vision I saw Brian staring at me.

"Do I have something on my face?" I asked him. Di parin siya kumibo kaya kinurot ko yung kamay niya.

"Ouch." Mahinang sigaw niya. Masakit ba yun? What a drama king we got here.

"O mga anak papasok muna ako at maghahanda nang almusal. Anong gusto mo Mira?" Nanay asked. She always asked me what I want but she ended up cooking the same thing. Naiba nga lang yung akin.

"Kung anong lulutuin niyo nay ay kakainin ko." I said. Alam niyo na bat same parin yung lulutuin niya. I always answer like that.

"She's lovely. A typical mother. Her children are so lucky to have her." He said while spraying the plants with water. The tone of his voice is a bit sad.

"She is." I agreed. Wala na akong dinugtong pa. I just feel not to talk about that.

For a minute or two ay walang maririnig na salita from us. Too awkward but I'm used to this.

"Tita Cecile is a loving bestfriend of my mom. They'll be here anytime soon. I'm sorry I did inform her that your mom's funeral will be today." He said that made me shocked. His mother is Tita Green? Small world.
And it slipped out of my mind that mom had her bff. A sad reality. 

"Tita Green. It's okay. What happened years ago isn't something we need to talk about. Williams, kaya pala familiar." I said sarcastically. The Williams. The betrayal of a bestfriend. Who am I to mingle? None of my business.

"I just knew it last week after I told mom about your mother. I'm sorry." He said in a pitiful tone with a glimpse of guiltness. 

"It's none of our business. If your mom betrayed my mom. I don't mind it at all." I said seriously. Yes we're not involved but I knew the whole story. This guy in front of me is my half brother I guess.

"My mom didn't betray your mom.  She did her very best to protect you." He said. Wait, what? Is he nuts? To protect me?

"Tell me, is stealing someone's husband is some sort of protection?" I asked angrily. Anong sinasabi niya? I bet he's carrying the old lies of her mother.

"You don't understand. Mom never steal someone's hus-" I cutted him off.  He doesn't know what he's saying.

"I get it. Your mom slept with my dad isn't something that a 9 year old girl witnessed." I said and left him there. Anong ginagawa nang isang traydor sa pamamahay ko?

"Good morning Mi-" Tita Felice greeted me but she cutted her own words. Hindi ko siya nilingon habang tuloy tuloy na pumunta sa aking silid.

Arghhhhh. Anong alam niya? Son of a traitor! His mom did that to protect me? What the heck was that reason? So lame.

I will never forget how dad cheated on mom.  How my 9 year old eyes witnessed the awful scene. Ng gabing iyon mom found it out. Green Williams naked above my father's body. Mom cried and shouted that made them stopped. Whore!

I lay on my bed. I'm tired. Reminiscing those bad memories aren't worth it.

2:50 pm. I'm all set. It's time to say goodbye for the last time. I'm sorry mom I let a traitor entered our home.

"Miracle, let's go." Tita Felice said at my door. She's wearing her usual white dress. I'm wearing white also but it's like a summer dress. Nothing too fancy. It's mom's burial. It's not a prom. Respect.

"Cecile Brendon may your spirit be with the father in heaven. You may rest in peace." The pastor said. It's our que to throw white roses on mom's coffin as it goes down.

I saw Tita Green from a far. Not to be rude but she's too plastic to attend this burial.

Nanay Tessa cried hardly. Naririnig ko yung iyak niya. Me? Wala nang luhang lumalabas.

Cecile Brendon
Born: May 15, 1976
Died: July 1, 2020

Mom I know masama ang magtanim ng sama nang loob but I just can't accept those things easily. Maybe in time I can forgive. I love you mom.

Wednesday, July 3 I bury my heartaches.