Celadon

Lutescent - Golden-Yellow

Charlie's breath is heavy and her moans are soft, and I feel like I'm going to cry, because I know I'm fucking the wrong person, but when she came onto me, I couldn't find the courage to say no, not tonight, because rejection leads to questions and arguing and bitterness, and Charlie and I, we've never really violently fought. She calls me cold and distant, accuses me of leaving our relationship one-sided, and I hollowly agree and give an empty promise to try harder. Then, it's over and we're alright. 

But now, I lay here, after wasting the best of me with a girl I don't love, and tears are falling sparingly down my cheeks because I can't be content anymore, and I want to scream. I want to scream for her to leave and that she isn't and never will be the one to bring color to my life and that I would rather die than grow old with her, but I can't do that, because she will cry and and she will try to convince me that I'm wrong and then she will leave, and I have an unhealthy obsession with trying to please everyone other than myself. 

My phone buzzes, and I glance over at Charlie. She's asleep, her mouth slightly open and small snores escaping her throat. I reach for my phone, the screen lighting up to display a message from Phil. 

Phil, my dirty secret, my newly discovered soulmate. 

Phil Lester:

 Hey Gabriella, why haven't you come back to visit me again? 

I smile like an idiot. It's been two days since I found Phil, and as much as I constantly think about him and yearn to explore who he is, I can never seem to find the right time to escape. My thumbs perform a jittery dance as I consider how to reply. 

You:

Why do I have to be Gabriella?

His response doesn't take long.

Phil Lester:

We both know I'm the Troy Bolton here. You avoided my question, though

You:

I haven't found a good time to get away from my house. I want to see you, tho

Phil Lester:

Still live with your parents?

You:

Yeah, for right now

Phil Lester:

How old are you? Did you say?

You:

20

My phone stays silent for a few minutes, worrying me after our second-long response time throughout the conversation. Finally, it buzzes again.

Phil Lester:

Yeah, in that case, I will definitely be the Troy here x

My thumbs are tapping out an answer before I can even think, following my emotions and overwhelming intuition. 

You:

I'm going to come around tomorrow for coffee. What time is your break?

Phil Lester:

2 pm 

You:

I will be stalking you from a table at promptly 1:45

Phil Lester: 

Creep. Can't wait, really x 

I jump harder than I should when Charlie says, "Who are you talking to?"