SCARS || KIM NAMJOON X BTS

5

Namjoon heard the front door close with a loud thud indicating that they had left the dorm. he heaved a sigh.

"should I or should I not?"

YOU SHOULD

he thought for a while before sighing for the nth time. he was actually contemplating whether he should do it or not. It sounded so wrong yet so right. he knew he shouldn't do it since his career would be at stake. he was drowned in his thoughts when he heard his phone ring. he shuffled around to find his phone. he rummaged through the messy sheets and by the time he got his phone he had missed the call. he lied down being slightly dejected until it started ringing again. This time he was quick enough and answered the call. It was Jin.

On the phone

"hey Joon, are you okay by yourself?"

"you just left!"

"yeah I know but are you okay?"

"yes, im fine."

"okay if you say so. gotta go I'll call you during our break alright?"

"Mhm bye"

"alright take care"

"you too"

he cut the call. soon he received a notification from twitter. he saw the comments even though he shouldn't have. The comments were adding a little fuel to the fire, it was until I read a comment directed towards me kill yourself namjoon.

⚠TRIGGER WARNING⚠

This was it.. And the things that he was thinking about just left his mind and he did the thing he was trying his best to stop himself from doing. he got up from his previous position throwing his phone on the bed and walked towards his table. he looked through his drawers one by one until he found the thing he was looking for. they usually don't keep sharp objects in the dorm other than the knives for cooking ofcourse. he slowly picked up the razor in his trembling hands. he sat down on the bathroom floor with the razor in his hands, tears flowing freely thinking about what he was about to do next

Don't wait, Joon. You can do it said the voice

he took a deep breath before pushing down his sweats to his knees and bringing the razor in contact with his skin. he pressed it against his unmarked thigh and dragged it vertically creating a line. his mind went blank and I felt light. he sensed himself smile at the wound. That was what he needed to see before he created more lines on his previously blank canvas. After creating which seemed like 15 to 20 lines his mind went blank. he sat there on the floor half naked with blood flowing and a tear stained face with a little smile on his lips. he actually cringed at how happy he was. Fortunately the thoughts disappeared

"thanks" this time he thanked the voice

I've told you earlier that this would work. Next time listen to me without questioning.

he decided to keep my wrist untouched since he was an idol. he sat on the toilet seat and washed off the dried blood. he cringed at the sight but he had to do it anyway. 

he checked the time and realised he was inside the washroom for about three hours.. It was 2.03 in the afternoon and he felt exhausted from faking and lying all the time to the people who meant the most to him. he got up just to keep a dish in the sink so that they don't get suspicious. he'll say he had the leftovers from last night. he threw some of the food away just so it looked believable. he felt awful throwing the food away but he had no other option. he went back upstairs to his room and just laid back down before falling into a deep slumber.

back at the company, the guys decided to call it a day after practicing for  a few hours or so.

Jin unlocked the door before entering the dorm to be met by an uneasy silence. It felt weird. Joon was nowhere to be seen and the whole dorm was just silent. Everyone could feel the awkwardness so Jin said that he'll go check up on Joon after freshening up. they went up to their respective rooms. as Yoongi entered his and Jin shared room to see him sitting on the bed staring at the blank wall in front of his bed. Yoongi placed his left hand on his right shoulder, Jin looked up and passed a soft smile.

"aren't you gonna freshen up?" Yoongi asked

"something's wrong. Something's so wrong"

"what do you mean?"

"Joon. He seems so, I don't know lost?"

"yeah I've noticed that too"

"do you think something happened?"

"I think no, because he would obviously tell us, right?"

"yeah. I'll go clean up"

"alright.. I'll go after you"

Jin freshened up and yoongi went inside. he made his way towards Joon's room and softly knocked on the door, there was no response. he creaked open the door to be met by the cutest view ever. namjoon was curled up in a ball like a koala. he went near him to put the covers over him. Once he was done he caressed his hair before leaving his room.

Jin was so amazed by looking at their leader being all cute he was oblivious to the point where he didn't really see the tears running down his leader's face. Only if they knew what had happened.
 

namjoon woke up to a room of complete darkness, he switched on the light and rubbed his eyes. he looked at the clock, which read 7:25 pm.

he opened the door to his room when he heard laughter.

are they home already? he thought.

he walked to the staircase and saw the others sitting at the table laughing at something jungkook said.

they're happy without you he heard the voice.

no they're not. he replied

you are seeing for yourself he heard the voice snicker.

he climbed down the stairs and walked to the table, "when did you all come back?" he asked

"around 4 ish" Jimin replied.

"why didn't you call me?"

"because you were sleeping so soundly Joon." it was Jin this time.

"come sit." he heard Hobi

they were talking about the new choreography and who made mistakes and got a scolding from hobi. the sixes were mostly doing the talking and Joon just sat there listening to them fondly.

Soon it was time for dinner and Jin said that he'll order some pizza since they all wanted it. namjoon on the other hand was nervous. he didn't know how to ignore eating because he knew Jin and Yoongi would force him to eat. he sighed, knowing he'll just have to get used to eating and vomiting.