𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄

[𝟐𝟗] 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐲𝐧 𝐑𝐢𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

It's hard watching from afar. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing Grace happy. I just hate that it's not with me.

Not that she's with someone else, I just miss her. I've missed her for so long. And it's funny because she's not so far away anymore. I could go to her if I ever feel the need to. But it no longer feels like it's my place to do so.

And that's something else I hate. Because, in my head, I'm thinking it should be my place. You know, we've known each other since... well, forever. So it shouldn't feel like a big deal if we've agreed to just be friends. Right?

It's confusing. And... I don't know, it's frustrating. It's annoying and unnecessary. But she's necessary. Freaking annoyingly gorgeous angel.

I hate that I love her.

She's annoying and a total pest. She acts like a kid and likes weird things like High School Musical toothbrushes and fairy tutu's to casually wear around the house. And she still gets happy meals from McDonald's. And when she isn't in the mood for coffee, she gets chocolate milk or hot cocoa from Starbucks.

She's weird and unbearable. But it's charming. Very oddly charming. I hate that. I hate her. But in a, "you make me want to kiss the actual life out of you kind of way". You know?

Yeah, I don't either.

"Sam," Ellie says, snapping her fingers before my eyes.

"Huh?" I look around the room, having forgotten that we were in the cafe. "What's up?"

"Nothing, you were just staring at the door." She tells me, leaning over to take a sip of Daniel's drink. She coughs, spitting it back into his cup.

"Hey!" Danny wacks Ellie's shoulder, "What was that for?"

"Who the hell drinks this shit? What is this?"

"Blueberry milk." He says like it's the most normal thing a person can say. Ellie blinks at him before smacking him across the face and shoving him out of the booth. "What the fuck, El!"

"I'm getting you something that normal people drink." She walks past our booth and towards the front counter where Quin gives her a drink moments later.

She climbs back into the booth, not bothering to ask Danny to move. She sets down his drink, gesturing to it. "Bottoms up, Blueberry.

He narrows his eyes at her, "What did you just call me?"

"Nothing." She murmurs, biting her lip to withhold a small smile.

A burn hits my chest and the only thing I can think of is how much I wish those two were me and Grace.

I miss the teasing and joking and the annoying little comments. The short kisses and pecks on the cheek. I miss being the reason she got to sleep most nights. And trying to teach her how to cook.

The two go silent and I feel eyes on me, causing me to look up from my lap. "What?"

"You're crying." Ellie frowns, pulling a napkin out of the thing in the middle of the table and holding it out to me.

I sniffle, wiping my eyes. Fuck. "Ugh, shit, yeah, sorry."

"Why are you upset?"

"I have to-"

"Oh, Grace is here," Danny says, waving behind me. I want to turn and see her seeing as I've wanted to for... well, since the last time I saw her. But I let myself calm down before I do.

I smile at the way she lights up when I turn to her. She grins but doesn't wave at me. She just winks before walking towards a table with her middle finger held up against her back for me.

I chuckle, shaking my head and wiping my eyes one more time just to make sure I'm all good.

From where I'm sitting, I can see her small tremors shaking her body. And on instinct, I stand up.

"Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea." A voice says from behind me. I turn to see Annie and her boyfriend... Ethan, I think it was, sliding into our booth.

"Why?"

"She's meeting someone I think." Annie whispers, moving onto Ethan's lap and adjusting herself before wrapping her arms around his neck.

"You don't know who she's meeting up with?" I swallow down the jealousy before continuing, "How do you know she's meeting someone but not who?"

"Because we hear-"

She smacks her hand over her boyfriend's mouth. "What the fuck, Easton? I wanna explain."

"I'm sorry, Nie-Nie." He murmurs, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"It's okay." She says, kissing him on the lips. Then the jealousy becomes too much for me so I try looking everywhere but them. Which proves to be quite a task seeing as they're kinda just taking up the space I need to use in order to avoid my emotions.

Finally, Annie clears her throat and turns to me. "Like this piece of shit man- OW!" She yelps when Easton pinches her cheek. That should be me and Grace. She swats at him before continuing, "As I was saying, this gorgeous, yummy-" She and Easton burst out laughing.

Again, they start teasing and touching each other. This time it goes on a little longer than it did before and instead of trying to look in every other direction, I give into the urge to look at her.

She's got her long, light brown hair in a loose but neat bun, lazily resting there on her left shoulder. And funnily enough, she's got one of my old hoodies on. It's this old navy blue one that I'd "lost" forever ago.

I think it was some time after she'd been admitted into the clinic when I realized it was gone. It'd been my favorite hoodie since I'd gotten it. And on her, it still is. She could wear a literal garbage bag and still be the prettiest person in the room.

Honestly, she's so gorgeous that I've found my eyes strained from looking at her so long. Maybe that sounds stalker-ish but so be it.

It feels like the room dissolves around me when I look at her. Like she's my main focus. Everything is blurry around her, almost as if I'd zoomed in on her with some amazing quality camera. And I love it.

I love it when things sound fuzzy and I love when I can't pry my eyes off of her. It's an amazing feeling. Not so amazing now that I can't just go up to her and say I love her. But I don't mind. Just knowing that we exist together is enough.

Unless I get my daily surge of Gracelyn Rieder Deprivation.

"What if she's meeting up with some guy? Like someone she doesn't know." I blurt out. My friends and Grace's turn to me, seeming a bit confused so I clarify. "Grace. What if she's meeting some strange dude that's going to freakin' kiss- kill her?"

Annie leans over to me, cooing and pinching my cheeks like I'm a kid. "Awww, somebody's jellyyyy."

I smack her hand away, nodding my head. "Yes, the fuck I am. What if-"

I have to shut up because suddenly, I have the urge to cry again. Annie's seen me cry at my dad's funeral, so I don't care if she sees me cry. And Ellie and I have known each other since diapers. But Daniel's an asshole and Easton is an acquaintance and that'd be weird if I just started crying.

Annie sighs, patting my back. "I'm sure it'll be fine, Sammy. She's been in love with you since... well, forever. You can't just lose something like that and especially not that quickly. She just needs a little time to herself that's all. Then she's all yours."

I shrug, turning to the door when I hear the bell.

She walks past the doors and waves over at Grace before making her way to the table and taking a seat.

Oh, son of a bitch. Please tell me this is a joke.