𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄

[𝟐𝟕] 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐇𝐢

"Do you want me to call him?"

I shook my head, just watching as he swept up the glass littering my bedroom floor. I feel bad for letting him clean up my mess but I didn't- and still don't- have the energy to argue with him on the matter. So I'm left doing what I do best. Watching from the sidelines.

"Are you sure?" Spencer asks again. And this time, I'm not sure of my answer. One part of me wants to say yes and to hug the hell out of Sam if he does show up. But the other part of me is telling me that it's unfair to not only him but to me.

We haven't been dating for... well at the moment, I've forgotten how to count so I'm just going to say we haven't been dating for a long time.

And if I let myself get attached and he goes away like I did, what'll happen? If I let him be my rock and the wind blows him away or something, I might relapse. The correlation seems to hardly exist there but if you saw it the way I do, you'd understand.

I shake my head again, biting down on my lip to keep from starting to cry. I miss him. And thinking about not being around him makes me sad. But like I said, I can't get attached.

Spencer sighs, propping the dustpan and broom against the wall. "Do you want to go do something? Or... hang out?"

"I think I'm just going to go to the park for a walk. To uh... clear my head." I looked over my mess of a room, shaking my head to myself. Are you kidding me, Grace, a meltdown? "Plus, I don't think I want to be in here while it's like this."

"Yeah, I get it." He takes a seat next to me and wraps an arm around me before pulling me into his side, pressing a short, loving kiss to my temple. "You want me to go with you?"

"If you did, there wouldn't be any point in going." I nudge him.

He presses another kiss to my temple, this time lips feeling warmer this time, wetter, more like. Angling my head to look at him, my eyes meet his. And for the first time in almost eight years, I see a tear slip from his eye.

"Hey, what the hell is that?" I ask, wiping his single tear. He shakes his head, burying his face in his hands.

"You don't deserve this." His voice wavers along with my front, my vulnerability disintegrating at the sight of my big brother's tears. "You go through so much and you're all alone through it. Maybe it doesn't look like it but you are. Because now everybody's older and they're doing their own thing and no one has time to come and comfort you. And it's so unfair, you know?"

"What do you mean? You came today and Annie and Easton helped earlier." I remind him.

"Yeah but..." He tails off like he's trying to look for the words. Before he can so much as think what those words are, he wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve, planting a kiss on my temple. "I gotta get going, I'll be back to check on you later. Tell me how you feel after that walk, yeah?"