Numb

Chapter Two

I stare wide eyed at Ben and he looks back with a serious expression. I can't help but burst out laughing. A throaty chuckle comes out of my mouth and I double over.
"Nice one, you really got me." I shake my head and lean back in the chair. "Now please get out. You can use the front door I don't care." I wave my hand and Ben appears to be slightly offened.
"I- Eden, why don't we just talk about this?" His voice is soft and for a moment I'm pulled back in time to when we were friends. I want to reach out and feel his warmth but I'm reminded that he's the one who put this all into motion.
"No, please leave me. I'd like to get some rest before school tomorrow. It's nearly one in the morning. Go home." I turn away from him and reach for the lamp that sources us light.
"You won't hear me out?" He questions, standing up from his place at the desk. I tilt my head and look him up and down.
"Why would I? We're not friends. We're nothing Ben. Now please get out before I call the police." I nod towards the door and click the lamp off. I hear a sigh escape from his lips and then he's gone. I sit in the darkness taking in whatever had just happened. When I came to I stood up and walk back to my room. It's lights out for me almost instantly.
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Ben tries to reach out to me on multiple occasions during the week, but I ignore him like the plague. Cayden and I have been continuing appearances for some reason. I'm not sure why he didn't tell me off after Monday, but I can't say I'm mad about it either. It's nice to be around other people every once in a while. Friday comes all to quickly and I guess I was off my guard because Ben has some how cornered me in the stairwell.
"Will you please just talk to me?" His brows are furrowed and his eyes dart around like they're searching for something. I keep my ground though.
"I told you I don't want anything to do with you Ben. Please leave me alone. We have nothing to talk about." I stare him in the eyes, but my tough act must've back fired because Ben closes the distance in between us. We're inches away when he leans down to my ear.
"Eden, if you don't have a decent conversation with me I don't know what I'll do." I wonder what his face looks like right now. I turn my face slightly, but that just results in Ben's nose brushing up against mine. I suck in a breath and Ben's eyes widen slightly. I see his adam's apple  bob in his throat and my mind travels to when I used to kiss his adam's apple, thinking it would help him speak up better. He was such a quiet kid back then. My eyes flit back to his and the look in his eyes sends all sorts of wrong messages to my heart. His usually bright green eyes are dark and his breath is slightly labored. It almost feels like we're about to kiss, which is wrong. So... wrong. I put my hands to his chest, but instead of pushing I can now feel his rapid heart beat under my skin. I gulp in and look down.
"I told you to leave me alone." I whisper. "Why are you doing this to me Ben? You're the one who left me." He must've been caught off guard by what I said because his body goes lax and I slip past him. "Please, leave me alone." For some reason Ben doesn't meet my eyes and I can feel the emotions build in my eyes. What is this? I'm so confused about everything. I'm concentrating so hard on trying to get out of this school that I nearly crash into a girl rushing out of the bathroom. She was luckily quick on her feet and jumps backward.
"Oh! Hi there!" A smile replaces her worried look and I bow my head.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to almost run into you. I just really want to leave." I whisper. The girl smiles and her blonde curls bounce around her face.
"Hey that's all cool. Everyone has one of those days. I hope it gets better." She flashes me a great big smile and a warm fluttering feeling spreads in my chest. She-she wished me a good day? I-I need to get out of here. I continue on my journey to the exit and make it just in time before passing period. I'm sure Miss. Hall won't mind me skipping 7th hour. Where did my confidence go? Ben was doing weird things to me. That's why I can't even think of becoming friends with him again, he makes me weak and I cannot be weak.
I make it out of the school and take a couple deep breaths as I fast walk toward my car. I find my keys and hoist myself into my jeep. When I'm inside and the heat is on I rest my forhead against the steering wheel. I need to go home and watch Dream play minecraft or something. I just can't be here right now. I lift my head and turn to look out of the window only to find myself staring at Ben. I can't help but roll my eyes. Just the person I didn't want to see. Why the hell was he here now? It's freezing outside. I notice he doesn't have a jacket on and his green eyes are piercing against the stormy white sky. It threathens with snow and I can tell Ben is cold. I sigh and nod towards my passenger side. "Get in." I mouth and he nods quickly. Once inside he looks over at me with a smile.
"Thank you." He whispers. I continue to stare out the window, unable to look at him.
"Don't mention it. Now what do you want Ben?" I fiddle with the skin on my thumb as I hear him let out a breath.
"Straight to the point then." He shift in the seat and rubs his hands together to warm them. "I- I'm sorry I'm such a jackass. I need to apologize to you. Over and over again I need to say sorry and prove to you that I can be there for you. I have no excuses for what I've held over you in the past or what happened in the stairwell..." His voice drifts off for a second and I peek at him through my lashes. His thoughts look distant and for a moment I see the little boy I used to cherish. Ben must have noticed he was quiet for an odd amount of time because he coughs and turns slightly towards me. "So I come here asking if we can start anew, or something like that. I really need us to have something other than hate for each other." He leans the side of his head against the headrest and stares at me like he's waiting for me to hit him. I suck in a breath and close my eyes. I lean back as well. Ben... all I want to do is get away from you, but somehow you snare me like a fish on a hook. I don't want to be put in the same position like before. If I give him a chanse to be my friend...but what did he mean by he needs us to have something other than hate for each other? I turn to him.
"I have one condition." I turn to look him in the eyes, my confidence slowly coming back around. He smiles and for some reason all the guilting and pain he put me through seems to be unimportant.
"Anything." He whispers. I slowly nod and then I smile myself.
"I need you to tell me why you drifted away. What was the point? Was it something I did?" My heart pounds in my chest. Why was I so nervous? Ben and I were so close only about 3 years ago, but now we're sitting in my car trying to become friends again. I haven't looked at his face yet. I'm too scared. I mess wtih my fingers nervously before sneeking a quick glance at him. He sits still, his eyes locked on me. His eyes give me mixed signals of what exactly he's feeling, but I can tell there's one emotion there that I haven't seen in a while. "Why are you the one who's scared?" I whisper reaching out my hand to grasp his. What am I doing? Ben intertwines our fingers and he swallows hard.
"Eden I can't answer that right now. I-I'm sorry." His eyes fill with sorrow and there I am again, ensnared by him. He squeezes my hand and I purse my lips.
"That's okay for now," I could tell he was upset about something so I didn't want to push him. He may have been the absolute worst to me, but that's no reason to disrespect him. I mean, I guess that's up to the person, but I don't want him to feel unconfortable, yet. "Then I'll be wanting you to do something else to prove yourself to me." I smirk and giggle softly. Ben's fearful look is washed away with slight worry. I lean towards his ear and whisper my request. "You think you can do that?" I question. Ben frowns, but then he sighs and flops back in his seat.
"Damn it, fine." He says quietly. It's just then that the bell rings and kids start to pour out of the back doors.
"Did you drive or do you want a ride? You know... because we're neighbors...?" I look away and curse myself for asking such a stupid question, but as Ben slowly releases my hand he chuckles to himself.
"No, I got a ride this morning from Holly." He replies. My blood goes cold at the mention of his girlfriend, but I shrug it off that I just don't like her.
"Sooo..." I ramble.
"Yes Dee, I'd like a ride." Suddenly that cold feeling is replaced with a heat in my stomach as Ben uses my old nickname. The last time he'd used that was when- I tighten my hands around the wheel. Why were things so complicated? I groan as I pull out of the parking lot. This was going to be an even longer Friday because of the game.
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Cayden arrives a little earlier than scheduled to pick me up. I've decided on a pair of mom jeans that I wear with a hooped belt. I've topped it off with a cute dark red sweater to support out school colors. I've pulled my hair back in a low pony and did light make up. When I exit the door I can feel Cayden staring at me from the window of his Ford truck. I open the door for myself and I'm pleasently suprised by the music choise. Post Malone plays softly in the background and is only slighly covered up by the hum of the engine.
"You look beautiful. I didn't think you could do it, but you surpasses my expectations in a good way." Cayden's eyes trace over my curves and instead of feeling gidy I for some reason get a little uncomfortable.
"Uh, thanks. Let's get going." I nod towards the road and Cayden nods with me.
"Hopefully I can get you going in more ways than one." Cayden whispers and bites on his bottom lip.  This gorgeous man was hitting on me but all I wanted to do was run to Ben. Wait... Ben? Why him? Like he'd do anything to help me. I roll my eyes to myself and watch as my neighborhood houses pass by. What would it feel like to be driving to a game with Ben? What would it feel like if Ben had his hand on my thigh? Wait-what? What am I thinking? God, my mind is really messed up. I pick at my skin and before I know it we've pulled up to the back of the school. The football feild is already full of kids from our school. Gaggles of teenagers crowd the bleackers and I feel a sudden wave of anxiety. Cayden is already out of his truck when I come to. Isn't he supposed to open the door for me?
I get out and slam the door shut and watch as Cayden bounds up to a group of boys who clap him on the back. One of the boys looks over his shoulder at me, but as quickly as he looked he looks back to his pals. I breathe in and out. Come on Eden, they're just kids. I clasp my hands together and fumble with the hem of my shirt. I slowly walk forwards into the crowds and pass by several faces I don't know. Then I come across a familiar one.
"Eden is that you? My look at how you've grown up in the span of a couple hours." Holly tilts her head to look at me. "You did good girl." Her smile turns into something more sinister as she rakes her eyes over my body. "For a loser you sure do dress like you're someone important." The corner of her mouth lifts up in a smirk. I raise my brows and look her up and down.
"Holly I don't know if you were told this, but you've really go to change your colors, winter is so not your tones." I close the distance between us and smile brightly. "And if you ever try to tell me I'm not important ever again I will cut your fake ass implants off. Then what will Ben have to grab onto because you surely don't have any ass." I step backwards with a sweet smile on my lips. Her eyes are wide and I can tell I've won this battle. "It was nice to see you again too." I wave bye to her and make my way to the bleachers. No one is up here yet, except some of the band kinds who tune their instruments. I peer down at all the kids I've grown up with and then he catches my eye. He walks towards Holly, but then he stops. His eyes track all the faces in the crowd and make their way to mine. A smile sets across his face and he raises a hand to wave at me. I can't help but smile back and do the same for him. He looks accomlished and gives me the thumbs up. I grin to myself as he disappears into the jock pit. Or the jock pot we liked to call it when we were younger.
"Oh hey I thought it was you." I look up to see the blonde from earlier today. I smile at her, she seemed nice enough. "Did your day get better?" She plops down next to me. I grin and give her a small nod.
"I'd say it did. Sort of did a 180 from the last few months." I notice she's watching one of the cheerleaders adjust their skirt. It clicks. "Katie?" I ask shyly. She looks at me with a smile.
"Yup, how ya doing Eden?" She gives me a little nudge and my grin grows.
"I barely recognized you with all the wieght loss n shit. You look absolutely stunning either way, but I think these jeans look really good on you." I ramble off. I never knew what to say to people who've went through dramatic changes. I look down to notice that her jeans are cuffed. I meet her gaze and he chuckles.
"Yeah, it's like I can read your mind. I'm pretty gay." She states simply. "Still no one wants to date me excpet the creepy girls who don't wash their hands." She shudders and then her eyes go wide. "What...the...fuck...?" She furrows her brows as she looks out on the feild. There stands Ben dressed in his football gear, except I think he put his underwear on the outside of his pants. I smirk. I may have had something to do with that.
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We ended up winning, which meant lots of drinking and games at Cayden's house. I'd almost completely forgot about the party. it was supposed to be on Saturday night, but the boys wanted to celebrate early. I'd also almost completely forgotten about Cayden, I mean he didn't necessarily seem like the perfect guy to pretend to date anymore... right? I felt trapped in a way. I want to break up with Cayden, but I don't want to be made a fool of. I want to get as far away from him as possible, just something about him makes me on high alert. Besides, I think he's having fun with other girls. I watch from the couch as he throws a ping pong ball into a cup full of an unknown liquid. I lean back into the couch and close my eyes. I sort of want to go home.
"You look like you could use some company." Luckily when I open my eyes Ben stands in front of me. His hair is a curly mess atop his head and I can't help but admire it for a beat too long. Ben hands me a drink and I take it. "Water." He whispers.
"Thank you." I smile back at him. "I'm glad the music isn't breaking my ear drums you know?" I joke. Ben nods in approvement.
"Holly likes it loud, which is why I can't take her many places." He looks off into the distance, but then he comes back to me with a grin. "Want to get out of here?" He asks softly. I want to say yes, but Holly walks up right then.
"Hey babe." She sits down right in Ben's lap and he lets out a long sigh.
"I think I'll be going now. I gotta catch up on the manhunts." I jab my finger towards the door.
"The what?? Holly sneers. I lift the corners of my mouth.
"You wouldn't be able to understand even if I explained it. " I waggle my fingers as if to say goodbye to her and make my way over to Cayden. He notices me come over and slings and arm around my waist.
"Here to see me show off for you?" He laughs drunkenly. I squirm out of his grasp.
"No, I think I'm going to head back home. My head is starting to hurt." I smile softly, but Cayden completely ignore me to shoot abother ball. My facade of smiles falls as he turns back to me.
"Sorry what were you saying?" I close my eyes and pray to God to give me strength. Don't kill this man. Don't kill him. Don't do it. I clench my fists.
"I'm leaving. I'll be seeing you." I'm about to leave but he grabs onto my arm. Cayden kisses my cheek and then realeses me.
"Have a good night then." His alcohol breath reaches me and despite the sweet sentiment behind     it I cringe.
"Yeah." I mumble. A good night. Puh.
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There's a thudding noise coming from upstairs and I nearly jump out of my skin. Olly and Adhara aren't home so what could possibly be making that much noise. This time I grab a real knife and find myself walking up the stairs. Whatever I find better be sorry because all I wanted was a 2am snack and then to watch a little Netflix before heading to bed.
I make my way down the hall and then a loud crash comes from my father's study. What the hell? I swing the door open and raise the knife only to find Ben standing in the dark with touseled hair. I flip on the light and watch as Ben stumbles toward the fireplace. He grabs the box of matches that are on the mantle and takes one out. He then tries to light it. "No no no!" I scramble to grab the match, but he moves to quickly and now I just appear to be giving him a hug.
"Dee? What are you doing in my house?" He blinks slowly as if I'll disappear.
"Ben you're not at your house. You're at my house in my dad's study." I scan him for any cuts or bruises, but all that appears to ale him is being drunk.
"Oh, well same thing." He mumbles to himself. I sigh and then grin. I knew cleaning off that couch would be useful in the furtue!
"Ben, why don't you just lay down on this couch here and sleep it off okay? When you wake up we can have a little chat about you sneaking into my home." I smile and gesture toward the couch. Ben nods and almost in an instant he's asleep. I rub my eyes and then pinch the bridge of my nose. Now it's time for my bedtime. "Goodnight Ben." I whisper. Tomorrow is going to be interesting. What a good follow up day. I smile and find myself looking at Ben. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. His eyes flutter and he grunts. Soon he's on his other side and my smile has grown bigger. Yes, what a day it'll be.