How to Live | ✓

eight

>>eight

"I can't really understand why you do this," Darren asked her as she sat on the bridge railing, letting her legs dangle off the edge precariously.

This was something that Evelyn had thought a lot about herself too. Why would something potentially life-threatening appeal to her so much? After wracking her brain, she managed to shorten the list of reasons to one single motive.

"Control. I sit here because I like the control. Like I'm on the edge, but only I know whether I'd let go or not."

He peered down in front of them. "Have you tried?"

"Tried what?"

"Letting go."

She gave him an incredulous stare. "Of course not."

Swinging his legs over effortlessly, he sat down next to her. "Let's try then."

For a second, she had to discern if he was being serious. Her reaction was to laugh nervously. "No, I could never."

"Look, if you're worried about hurting yourself— this jump is nothing. I've done worse. I promise you'll be safe."

"It's not even that," she said, the volume in her voice faltering. "If I came back home all wet, my mother..."

"No, I get it, your mum's a bit strict." He bit his lip in contemplation, white teeth lightly pressing into tender, pink skin. "How about this? I'll take you to mine after to dry off— my electric heater works wonders. Ten minutes tops."

The more he spoke, the more tempting the offer was beginning to sound.

But she knew this feeling all too well— the need to push herself to the absolute limit, to feel some kind of rush and to get away with it, with only the residual adrenaline high left in its wake. And so, she also knew why it wasn't a good idea. It's been years since she told herself she was done with trying to break the rules.

It's been years since she's felt much of anything.

"She'll still know..."

"I won't tell if you don't."

She glanced at her watch­. It was 3:00PM— she had an hour and a half before Mother came back from work.

"Evelyn," he said, willing her to look at him. She didn't know how he did it, but the fervent look in his eye was enough to reassure her more than any words could. "I'll get you back before four thirty. Heck, I'll one up myself and say even before then. I promise."

"How did you know that?..." She asked, mystified that he somehow knew what time she needed to be home.

He smirked. "Okay, how do you want to do this?"

Her heart started to rev up in speed, the usual comforting rhythm increasing to an almost painful thump against the cage of her ribs.

Was she really going to do this?

"I—I guess we just jump?" She tightened her grip against the rail to prevent her fingers from shaking. Even as she stood there, making all the motions of getting ready, her mind hadn't fully registered what it was that was going to happen.

Like at any second, she would call it quits.

"On the count of three then?"

"Okay," She took in a deep breath. "One..."

This isn't real.

"Two..."

Oh God.