How to Live | ✓

four

>>four

It wasn't a secret that Evelyn didn't have many friends. And those that she could consider as such didn't spend much time with her anyway.

Not that she blamed them.

Being almost eighteen years old and having to gain the approval of your mother's opinion on your choice of friends would put off even the most attentive of companions.

Even if she had the chance, however, to be close enough with someone to call them a 'best friend', she probably wouldn't take it. In her mind, it was more practical this way.

There'd been a time when she'd thought otherwise, a time where she became friends with someone she was willing to divulge herself to, but like with everything else in her life, she ended it in fear of Mother.

She was surprised, however, to find herself hurt over the fact that the girl, Audrey was her name, didn't put up much of fight to keep their friendship alive. All she needed was to get a whiff of Evelyn's problems, and that was enough to ditch her for someone else. Someone better. Someone who didn't have any baggage.

Evelyn suspected that Audrey always had some notion of what might've been going on, but the one time that really set it off was back in year eight, when the two dabbled in that notorious, unavoidable, rebellious stage.

Well, they tried to, that is.

But Evelyn never succeeded.

It was the early hours of the morning, and they'd decided they were going to do what all other fourteen year olds did— sneak out for the night. The plan was to meet at Evelyn's for 1:00AM.

She made it out the house unscathed, opting to go out her bedroom window instead of the front door. As she waited for Audrey to come, though, something started to feel off. Her hands began to get clammy, and a heaviness settled over her heart.

By the time her friend reached her, Evelyn was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. When she'd finally recovered, the only thing that Audrey could muster up to say was "I guess we aren't going out tonight".

They didn't talk much after that, and from then onwards, she stopped trying so hard to do things she thought would make her happy. It never did, and she began to realise that maybe Mother's rules weren't always as harsh as she'd thought them to be. ­

Despite their bitter parting, there was never any hostility between the two. They both had enough sense to act like adults, but deep down, Evelyn knew she could never forgive Audrey for how she'd left things.

As Evelyn opened her locker to switch out her textbooks, she glanced over the side of the metal door, to see Audrey across the hall, with a group of friends. She'd always been the popular-type; her easy nature pulled in most people towards her vicinity. With soft brown hair, and a welcoming smile, it made Evelyn wonder what life must be like for her.

It was like Evelyn was the before picture of some life-rectifying product, and Audrey was the result— hope for a false promise of something she would never attain.

If only Mother could see her now. She'd wish that Audrey was her daughter instead.

The fact that they ended things was for the best.

She knew that.

Evelyn just wasn't made out to have friends.

• • •

After debate club, Evelyn didn't return to her favourite spot in fear that Darren would be there again. Instead, she decided to wait out the extra half hour in the school library, scouring the shelves for a book Mother had recommended to her.

However, her efforts were in vain, as when she began the walk back home, she managed to encounter him regardless. And, of course, when he noticed her across the street, he felt compelled for reasons unknown to her to come over and start talking. As he jogged to reach up to her, his long, floppy hair fell into his eyes, and he pushed it back in one swift movement.

Before he could get a word out, though, she started with a prelude of her own.

"Please, I can't be seen talking to you." The words were harsh and unrelenting, despite that she tried to say them as gently as she could.

Either he didn't register her words, or he chose not to react to them as his face didn't change much in response to what she said. "Your mum seems very protective of you."

"She just cares."

"I can tell," he said, a certain resonance to his tone that she couldn't understand. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry if it felt like I was intruding your space yesterday. I won't go there anymore after school if it makes you feel better. I didn't mean to scare you off or anything."

Evelyn faltered for a second, the unanticipated words surprising her. For a split second guilt washed over her, especially towards this guy who'd just moved into town, and was already feeling like he was stepping on people's toes.

However, she was only trying to do what was best by Mother— she couldn't help that it conflicted with his choices. At least she could end this cleanly now, and carry on with her usual routine.

"Thank you," she said, attempting to give him an earnest, but diffident, smile. Then she walked off down the road, leaving him far behind for the last time.