Blinded By The Lights | Sungjoy

Interlude - Joy's Reminder

Well, we went through the scariest thing a person can go through and we survived. So now every day's just a gift. And now we're all blessed. Blessed to be here, blessed to be doing what we do best, which is saving lives. Every day. One life at a time. We're healed so that we can continue healing others.

Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy
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When she received her white coat from Head Professor Kim Taeyeon, she was still called Park Sooyoung.

How ecstatic she had been when she grasped the coat in her hand, running her fingers over the material, before she put it on for the first time, relishing in the length as the coat dropped around her knees, symbolizing her growth and change from resident to a full-fledged doctor.

Like many of her cohort, she had chosen to stay within the Yeoreum Network and had received an offer down at the Busan Campus to work in their pediatric department.

Eager and ready to prove herself, Sooyoung left Seoul and moved down to Busan after saying goodbye to her parents and friends, but not before she vowed to return to the main campus as a professor.

When she was still Sooyoung, she arrived at the Busan Campus for her orientation, among the other new doctors that would join the hospital that year. As she eyed her fellow colleagues for the first time, she noticed a trend of pristine white shirts and sheepishly looked down at her own bright yellow shirt that stood out from a mile away (she'd become impervious to whispered rumours because of this incident).

When she was still Sooyoung, she met her first patient. She was a young adolescent girl that was completely at ease with the doctors and nurses, joking and chatting with them as if they were her friends instead of her caretakers. She had been at the hospital for a long time, having come in and out throughout her entire life. She was one of the patients that everyone in the department just knew, but no one wanted to take care of (still Sooyoung volunteered).

When she was still Sooyoung, she did everything that she could for her first patient during her long stays. The patient couldn't play with the other patients, for she had no stamina. She could only watch and smile, cheering as she clapped her hands lightly to encourage the younger patients as they ran around the playroom. Sooyoung would join her whenever she had a spare moment, although some of the other nurses shook their heads disparagingly, whispering that the patient didn't need a reminder of her own mortality around her so often (but the patient didn't mind).

When she was still Sooyoung, she met her first patient's family: her father and mother, who dutifully visited every day when their daughter was in the hospital, and her younger sister, who immediately took to Joy the moment her older sister introduced her to her family. The patient's parents thanked Joy every time they met, grateful that their daughter had a doctor who worked so tirelessly for their daughter's sake (Sooyoung thought that it was a weird thing to be praised for. Didn't every doctor want to do their best for their patient?).

When she was still Sooyoung, her first patient was admitted into the hospital for an indefinite stay. Her heart broke when she told her patient's parents her recommendation, Director Kim Soyeon stood nearby as a precaution just in case the parents didn't react well to the news, but they accepted it with a grace and strength so strong that Sooyoung felt compelled to thank them for their trust in her (she pretended that she didn't hear the mother's sobs as she left the room).

When she was still Sooyoung, she did everything in her power to make sure that her first patient was properly taken care of. There would be times when she would stay behind and just knock at the patient's door and stroll in for a chat before her patient drifted off to sleep. At times, her family would be there too and welcome her into their circle. Sooyoung's eyes would drift over to the crafts that the patient had spread over her bed. Spools of thread and an array of different coloured material that hurt her eyes in the dim light were all over the bed while the patient would be patiently sewing stuffed animals for her younger sister (Sooyoung had secretly wanted one too).

When she was still Sooyoung, she often took her first patient around the hospital, pushing her in her wheelchair. They had grown close and often Sooyoung would hear the patient refer to her as the older sister that she had always wanted to her family (there was a warmth that spread throughout her entire body whenever she heard it).

When she was still Sooyoung, she realized that she was fighting a losing battle with the first patient. The moment that she realized that there was nothing that modern medicine could do to help the patient, Sooyoung had crumpled, weighed down by the gravity of the impending situation. There was nothing else that she could do but attempt to put on a brave face in front of the patient (she would tell the parents, though, and this time, she joined them as they quietly cried together).

When she was still Sooyoung, she watched as many of the other patients dropped by to say goodbye to her first patient before they left the hospital and asked her when she was going to get better. In response, the patient would tell them that Doctor Joy was doing her best. One day, her curiosity got the better of her and she asked her patient if she had met a foreign doctor, but her patient only denied it, and told her that she's Doctor Joy because she's trying so hard to give her joy and the courage to not give up (children are much smarter than we give them credit for).

When she was still Sooyoung, her first patient revealed to her that she knew that she was going to die, having overheard the nurses mention palliative care in hushed tones before the door to her room closed. She thanks a somber Sooyoung in light tones, telling her not to take it personally, that she did the best she could, and no other doctor fought for her light she did (she would fight until the end).

When she was still Sooyoung, she was given a little chick doll by her first patient. Realizing that this was a goodbye present, she had fallen to her knees and began to cry as her patient comforted her, reminding her that a doctor should never cry in front of her patient, once again showing wisdom beyond her years. Once she had collected herself, Sooyoung asked why she was given a yellow chick doll. The patient smiled mischievously and told her that the first time she had seen Sooyoung, she was wearing a bright yellow shirt (for the first time, she was happy that she had worn that shirt at orientation).

When she was still Sooyoung, her first patient passed away peacefully in her sleep, her family by her side when she departed this world. Sooyoung had stood in the doorway, unable to cross the threshold and disturb the cries of a mother who has just lost her child, nor did she think that she was strong enough to comfort a father so consumed by grief. Yet it was the little sister that came to her and held her hand firmly as she took Sooyoung to her sister's bedside to say goodbye (she would wonder for years where that little girl found the strength to be strong amidst crying adults).

When she was Sooyoung, she attended the funeral of her first patient. The yellow chick doll was nestled safely inside her purse as she approached the giant memorial photo and bowed deeply to the young girl who had taught her a valuable lesson. As she paid her respects, she silently thanked the girl for inspiring her and vowed to work hard to become a doctor that she would be proud of (she wonders if her patient is watching from above).

When she became Joy, she affixed the yellow chick doll onto her stethoscope to remind her of the promise that she made.

Now that she's Joy, she's doing her best to pass on the lessons that she's learned.

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Act 3 will begin in January 2021 (probably).