I didnt have a good elementary memory. I was not that talkative cuz I didnt want people to really get to know me unless they knew me from far away and werent that close with me. I moved into my new school in first grade and I was the outcast didnt really know anyone didnt want anyone to talk to me I was alone and there by myself. I always got in trouble when I was in school I was always blamed for stuff that I didnt do. I usually got blamed for if I bumped into a girl she would say I hit her so after that I just stopped talking to people I couldnt trust anyone after those years so I put up a wall and let no one in. I was very careful about who I became friends with but when I did become friends with them and they lied to me I would push them out of my life for good. I was always told that im not gonna complete anything in life and that im not going anywhere. My teachers told me im never gonna achieve anything in life my paarents have told me that so I kinda believed in that. Even tho I was still getting hit I was more good at hiding it I made sure I had a jacket on at all times I was never the type to have alot of friends and if I did have friends they always told me that I had a anger management problem and that I need help. Every day I hated going to my school cuz I would get bullied for being different I would get called weirdo freak outcast faggot and no one would do anything to help me so I just sat there and let them call me names. When I was 10 or 11 I realized that I was into guys but I knew that if anyone found out they would hurt me so I kept it a secert abd dated girls but in my head I knew it wasnt right. But also at the time my girlfriend wasnt really my girlfriend she lost a bet and was the bet if she lost was to day me so she did I treated her right but my heart wasnt in the right place it didnt feel right. So she dumped me and told me theres no one that could love me and that she never wanted to date me but lost a bet and was told to. But in fifth grade me being gay was still a secert but I did have my first crush on a guy he was sweet to me his name was shaun I was so happy when I talked to him I knew at that moment I was ment to be with another guy, but it was also a horrible memory cuz one of my "friends" found out that I was gay and that there was a guy I liked in school so she started a rumor that I have sex with everyguy I meet because im dumb and dont think right. When shaun found out about this rumor he can up to me and ask me when I said it was a just a rumor he slapped me right across the face and said "bullshit you slut I never wanna see you agian." I was devastated my heart broke he made me smile and blush I was happy but when I get happiness people always try and take it away from me.
