The lost Mexican-Italian mafia princess

Chapter 16 : Getting through the day

Olivia- Stefanos mother 

When I woke up the next morning I still felt like absolute shit and still with anger filling my heart. I honestly don't know if that feeling will ever go away, even if I get my revenge and kill Anderi, a part of me will always hate myself for hating my mother or at least trying to.

 I felt so angry and I wanted to hate her but I couldn't and it physically hurts me. It hurts to want to hate someone with all your being but can't because it physically hurts you because you once loved that person with everything you had. Stefano was right next to me in my bed deep into his slumber.

 I decided to actually get up today and I went downstairs to eat some fruit then go into the training room and started hitting the boxing bag without protecting my knuckles, bad move. I didn't care though I needed a distraction from my thoughts and emotional pain and physical pain does just that. At the moment the only thing that mattered was the boxing bad and my bruising knuckles. 

I heard someone come in but I just kept hitting the bag. 

"MARY! jeez mary stop punching the fucking bag or you'll just damage your knuckles." 

It was Alexander who slightly raised his voice but I didn't react to it, keeping a blank face and just staring right at him. 

"Damn that looks like it hurts." 

He was right it hurt like a bitch but at the moment it didn't really matter. He walked away to grab white bandages and grabbed my hands and started to wrap my already bruised knuckles.

 "You can't just do that you know."

 I looked at him and said 

"What?" 

"Purposely injure yourself to distract you from the emotional pain and your thoughts, it's not healthy." 

"What else I'm I supposed to do? I hate the feeling that I have right now and I'm tired of just feeling miserable, I want to stay in bed all day and do nothing but at the same time I feel like I'm letting them, letting her win if I stay like that." 

"She's dead and we'll get Andrei sooner or later but we will get it." 

"Do you think she actually ever cared about me, like I mean she left me resources in case she died, she left me a fake passport, money, a file with all the information I needed to know and even a safe house." 

I was still trying to comprehend it just didn't make any sense she was dead so what good would it even do her to help keep me alive.

 "Honestly Rose-Mary I don't know maybe she felt guilty after what she did and wanted to help repay you in some way, and you're right it wouldn't make sense... unless she was still alive." 

I looked up at Alex with an expression of shook. "No it's not possible I saw her body Alex, trust me when I say she is far beyond dead, no one would have been able to survive what they did to her." 

"Did you see her face?" 

When he said that it hit me, no I couldn't see her face. It was basically unrecognizable because her face had been basically burned off but I saw her hands and she was wearing her rings, something that she never took off as well as the tattoo on her wrist. 

"No but she had her rings on and the tattoo on her wrist was still there she isn't alive Alex and if she was what would she gain from faking her death?"

 "That I don't know but if you say she's dead I trust you, know let's go get you something propper to eat and a shower cause you stink." 

He gave me a humorous smile and held his hand out to help me get up from the ground. I got up and walked up to my room to find Stefano barley waking up. "Morning" he said in a low husky voice that anyone would find attractive as hell.