Journals By Janae?

A Night Of Mental Adoration Buried by Physical Passion (Part 1)

We began the night like any other physical encounter, feigning complete ignorance. Probably to spare the single thread of dignity I may or may not have had left. We laughed and joked as if we were just old buddies but we both knew how things would end. We both understood the terms in which I would pay for your company. But we were both too nice, just a bit too nice to define me as a I am.  So we said nothing of what was to come although we knew it was bound to happen eventually. Someone would lean in and other would accept the invitation sent with the burn of your lips against mine because that is what we both wanted. You and me locked in a dance with less tongue and more lips as my hands possess you as I wish I could have done without this secrecy. While your hands grope me in a way that only reminds me that this would always only be just that but, of course,I’ll choose to ignore it. Instead choosing to assign a different objective to the way you erratically mold all of me to you. Because in this moment, in these few two to three hours I can pretend that you’re mine. These lips that take my breath away. Those arms that hold me tight. The steady yet insistent beat of your distinct erection just under me, they are all mine… for now.

And yes I will take that above the slow tearing of my insides. I will love to love you only in my mind as my fingers trace the lines of your jaw. I would feel nothing but joy if you’d allow me to love you, to make you feel in climax only a fraction of what I feel for you as I pine pathetically at all I cannot have. And although my heart breaks all over again when I’m home alone clutching the extra covers in my bed at night, pretending that they are you, that they are what you would ever want to be I can’t help but feel that it was all worth it. Because in those two to three hours my heart raced. I got to hold you as I do my covers and despite the fact that I am not holding you now and this is not where you would want to be it was still all more than worth it to me.