Brittana: cannon

Chapter 14: moving on

Santana did her best to move on. She threw herself into her classes and practices, and started to party hard. The first time she got drunk and made out with another girl, she hurriedly ran back to her dorm afterward and sobbed from guilt. It had felt like she cheated on Brittany, even though they weren't together.

She still loved the blonde so much, so in her heart she felt like it was a betrayal of the other girl. It wasn't even like she was going to start dating the girl from the party, since it was some drunk, straight girl looking to experiment with a hot lesbian. But it was the first time Santana fully realized that she and Brittany weren't together anymore.

After that first time, she ended up making out with a few more girls at different parties. She felt like she was back in the first couple years of high school with random, meaningless hook ups. She no longer had breakdowns afterwards, but she still didn't feel quite right kissing anyone but Brittany.

The brunette still couldn't bring herself to have sex with anyone else yet either. This was the longest she had gone without sex since she lost her virginity. She learned to get comfortable pleasuring herself in the dorm showers or quickly in her room while her roommate was out. She invested in toys to help get herself off faster. And every time she touched herself, she still thought of the blonde haired, blue eyed girl in Lima.

Despite not being able to move on romantically with anyone else, she was able to start moving on more with her everyday life. She still hadn't really made a lot of friends. Most people saw Santana as a bitch because she wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She was invited to parties mostly because she was a cheerleader and she was hot. When guys found out she was a lesbian they tried to get into her pants even more. When she put them in their place, everyone became awkward around her.

She wasn't really fitting in, but wasn't a true outsider either. She did well in her classes and with cheerleading, but she wasn't passionate about it. She was lost as to what she wanted to do about it, though. Santana was still hesitant about moving to New York. Maybe if she had some idea what her dreams for her future were, besides being with Brittany of course, she could make a decision.

She loved to perform, but she didn't think she had the same kind of talent to become a recording artist like Mercedes was attempting in LA or a Broadway star like Rachel was attempting in New York. She could probably do some passable acting, since she fooled most people by pretending to be straight for years.

But it wasn't something she truly had much experience with, apart from the few musicals they did at McKinley, that mattress commercial, and that weird music video Berry made back in junior year. The brunette knew it took years to even get a break in the acting world most of the time. That would mean years of struggling in a big city with nowhere to even live, no job to start out with, and it would be even further away from Brittany.

Santana went back to help the glee club around Thanksgiving as they prepared for Sectionals. She enjoyed being around everyone else again, and it was fun performing with Quinn and Brittany again. She really did miss this.

She even realized that she missed the arguments she used to have with Quinn. She was much happier hanging around the glee kids she barely knew and the old friends she had made in that choir room than she was in Louisville. Going back was making her realize that staying in Kentucky was probably not part of her dream.

As the end of the semester approached, she still didn't know what she wanted to do. She registered for classes for the next semester just in case she was going to stay. Santana didn't want to go back to Lima for Christmas since she and Brittany were officially over. She was pretty depressed about the holidays. So she decided to do a little shopping spree in New York and visit Kurt and Rachel and see if maybe New York was somewhere she may want to end up.