I wanted to feel bad, I really did, but the recklessness I had a few hours ago fully paid off. I won. I won my freedom, even for a while, from that vile creature hiding behind sea-glass eyes.
It was temporary. It was selfish. And above all, it didn't guarantee Theo's silence but for now it was the small happiness I allowed myself to feel. There were other concerns to worry about and he was just one of the lesser ones, but for now he was solved.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, the cold seeping into me through the air conditioning of the Med Car. Through the window I could see the stars moving as we traversed through the Alai. Tomorrow... In a few minutes, I would be in Tajikistan.
I couldn't stand the silence anymore. Even with Ly's coarse hand in mine, I felt his distance. "I said I'm sorry."
"I thought you broke your neck." Ly confessed, looking at the stars too, a distraction from his frustrated anger. I wanted him to look at me.
"Just my leg... and it's okay because the nanites-"
"We have to agree on something." He couldn't even look at me.
Look at me.
I didn't tell him about Theo earlier or what happened days before because... Because I didn't know how to. Telling someone that someone suspected me of murdering my grandfather seemed like breathing life into that lie. And so now Ly didn't understand me - a rare occurrence.
I sighed. He didn't understand how Theo reminded me too much of the man who haunted, haunts, my nightmares. I wanted to tell him, but something stopped me. What difference would it make, anyway?
He still wouldn't look at me.
"No catching us off-guard like that." His hand squeezed and turned in mine. It was a miracle he still held me what with all his resentment. I was guilty, and I wasn't even sure that the object of my guilt was worth the trouble. It was reckless. Useless.
"I didn't catch you off-guard." I retorted, trying to lighten his mood.
He conceded. I was sure most of everything I did didn't surprised him. "But you caught everyone else off-guard. Try sticking to the schedule. I know I don't have to remind you that you're not just living for yourself now." Ly's eyes met mine for a second and I understood. We were all each other had, and the prospect of losing the other... Unthinkable.
"I am the property of the nation." I had to say it out loud. What I did earlier was fit for a rebellious princess maybe but not an empress, I knew that. But aside from ruining my image, it hurt him. How could I let that happen? "I know. I'm sorry."
He ran his hand over Jazzy's forehead, the tiger's head lazily lying on my abdomen. Ly avoided my eyes again. "You can't die."
"I'll try not to." I joked, but I remembered the pyramid, I remembered running away to the peak, and the countless times I broke away from the fleet to get closer to the rebels. I was practically suicidal.
"If you die..." He shook his head. Ly sighed. It all seemed impossible, really, me dying. But I knew what went through Ly's mind. It went through mine every time he put himself in danger because of me. "Then it would all have been for nothing..." He whispered, "And nobody would know how to tame Jazzy."
"I'm sorry." I said. I stroked his cheek. "I'm still here... Look at me." I begged.
He did. He didn't have tears, but I could see the fear in his eyes, the exasperation seeping through them. He was afraid and disappointed, and I was the cause.
"So..." I said dumbly. "How's the press handling things?" I changed the subject.
He raised his eyebrows at that. "I thought we were going to pretend you didn't care what the press says?"
YOU ARE READING
UNWANTED
Science FictionLizaveta has always looked like the enemy, but her blood has always been of the throne. After leaving her life on a choice she made with a letter opener above a king's throat, a friend reveals that she has gained a continent. The last heir from a l...
