Life after High School

The devil played on me

The moment I did that crazy stuff in our university, I thought to myself that I've got nowhere to go. I stayed inside my room and thought too low of myself. All that crazy stuff that my lords and ladies have told me when I was their pledgee kept running inside my head. That, I would not amount to anything. That, I was a complete failure.

But, then again, I tried to recover. I read the Bible, and for the most part, I read it from start to finish. But, I think the devil was much wiser to me at that time. That, he's really jealous of me for trying to recover from what I have lost. Luckily, my churchmate at the church of Christ was there to support me. But, still, I think the devil was there to provoke me to do nuisance to ruin me entirely.

I was rushed into a mental facility by my parents because I am not myself any more. I was confined there for three days. But, it seems the pill they gave me got my condition much worse. I was robotic for a month. Yes! When I say robotic. I'm almost paralysed.

There are a lot of things running in my head. If I just told my parents that I joined the sorority would it change a thing as well as the main reason for my guilt, which is my having a small percentage for the tuition fee that they're giving me? To be honest, it accumulated a lot of things.

I couldn't bear to commit another mistake. Mainly because that was my second course. If I try to take another course, would I be able to finish it?

Second, I am a failure.

Third, how could I do crazy kinds of stuff like getting my parents money even if they showered me with all that they could afford to give me?

I'm so lost.