THE LOVE CONTRACT (ON HOLD!)

The love contract- Emotionally drained.

To think I almost cared.

For once, I let my guard down and allowed myself to be embraced by simple displays of affection, but now, days would pass where the emptiness rather than fading, would grow into excruciating pains of sadness. I felt as though I'd been mislead so much and locked away with only myself to blame. And so disappointment washed over me like a monstrous tide of disillusionment. I was blinded and hurt by the fact that he was just a stranger who now knew of my past.

Physically and emotionally, I was drained. Was it too much to ask that I only wanted to be cared for? As stupid as it sounded, I was almost falling in love with the concept of having a tie between us, even if it was just friendship. I hated myself for it. I couldn't believe that I had fell for his blinding charm and everything he had ever said. This man was not right in the head, why would he have ever approached me with an offer so unbelievably insane? But that would also make me deranged as to have accepted it without even thinking it through properly. Almost two months ago I would never had imagined myself married to this man.

One thing I couldn't grasp was that everything was planned out for me already, there was no knowing where I'd go on from this second. I promised myself that I would no longer have a care and doubted I would ever care again. Unconsciously I kept convincing myself that there was nothing going on between us. That the kisses that we shared, the heated arguments and all the good moments in between, meant absolutely nothing.

Fifty. Fifty thousand dollars by the end of these six months. That was the only reason I was pleading myself to keep going. It was everything I needed and more to help my mother become better in health. Perhaps they would go flying past, these months. Once everything was sorted, as spiteful as it sounded I'd tell my parents it didn't work. He'd go one way and I'd go the other, we'd never see, talk or cross eachother's paths ever again. We would go back to being strangers.

I was done with not obeying him. Countless times my stubborn attitude had got me into pointless arguments. I had given up. All the emotions, feelings and thoughts I once had for him were pushed far at the back of my mind. It was almost as if I had temporarily turned off a switch to the real feelings within me. I vowed to myself that from this day onward, I would take on the role as his perfect wife.

"Hey-" A smooth, breathless voice spoke from behind me.

Steadily, I swivelled my head around to see Jacob stood a few feet away from me with a cautious look plastered on his face.

"Hi," I mumbled, resuming back to look at the view of the busy city before me. A hubbub of cars and people miles away, heat waves radiating in the distance and a breeze of refreshing wind swiftly flowed through the humid air. A few seconds and Jacob sat on the edge too, inhaling and exhaling deeply; I felt his eyes on me.

"What are you doing out on the roof?" he asked curiously, holding onto the ledge.

"Just thinking," I shrugged.

"You know, the view here is much more beautiful at night," he lightly chuckled. I curtly smiled before holding onto the side of my arms for warmth.

"I guess I'll be coming here more often then."

A moment of silence passed.

"Something up?"

"Long story," I shrugged.

"I have time," he said, running his hand through his hair.

"I highly doubt you'd want to hear about my so called troubles," I scoffed.

"You won't get rid of me that easily." He smirked.

Humorlessly, I laughed, "Have you ever made a mistake and realized it only mid way and there's no turning back so you have to keep going despite knowing the consequences?" My laughter slowly died down with the wind. He sighed aloud before processing my words.