Love or Lust (A Christmas Romance)

Chapter 4

Ben POV

I had spent the first half of my life in Nigeria. That is approximately ten years. Ten years is enough to get attached to someone. And that someone for me was Kelly.

She was always the wild one while I was reserved, the one that always got us in trouble. She was so bold enough to drag one of grandma's hen by the feathers  and feed it a piece of meat to prove that hens have teeth. It was a mother hen and she was just four. What kind of four- year old does that?

At four, I was not scared of hens. No, I was not scared. I was terrified of them, especially the mother hen with their puffed up chest and pointy beaks.

She was never the one to be bullied especially when she was the tallest in our class. But now, it seems she's stopped taking her growth pills. She's so short I can't believe I was once intimidated by her height.

She was always the impulsive one. She actually thinks after acting. It is really ironic that she loves Barbie, gentle poised Barbie when she is the female Captain Jack.  There was a time dad stepped on her Barbie cassette mistakenly. She didn't even wait for apologies or explanation. She just jumped on dad screaming before biting his ear.

She later apologised after she was promised a new Barbie doll house and a collection of Barbie cartoon videos.

She is the type of girl that would rather apologises after the deed is done than to take permission or beg for it.

I have to admit she made my childhood interesting. At least until we ( my parents and I) relocated to UK. I guess that was when I realised how important she was to me. Though we met every Christmas, it was not the same. I always kept to myself. So, It was hard to making mates¹. It took me a few years to realise I liked her as a girl.

I was sure if she found out she was going to hit me on the head in an attempt to "restore my sense". Not to talk of my family. They would just book me for deliverance.

I knew she saw me as a brother and it hurt. Imagine your crush seeing you as her brother. I am sure many guys can relate to this. The difference is I am actually related to her.

At that time, I made conscious effort to stay away from her. I stopped calling more than five times a day. (Yeah, I really had it that bad.) I guess she noticed because she always asked me if I was angry with her.

As if I needed more problems, mom caught dad cheating and wanted a divorce (the divorce didn't go through). She later found out she had womb cancer and they had to remove her womb to save her life. She had been trying to conceive for years. Dad cheating and finding out she won't conceive again tore her. She was so depressed, she took her own life few days after the operation.

I didn't know she had cancer then until the time she had the operation. I was so wrapped up in my world I didn't notice she was depressed. What hurt me most was that the entire family knew she was sick. Even Kelly. And no one told me.

My mom's death was my breaking point.

I wished I paid more attention to her. I wished I told her how irreplaceable she was and still is. I failed her as her son. I couldn't handle living in the same house I lived with mom. When I go to the kitchen, I'd remember her smiling face when she cooked. She loved cooking. When I am in the sitting room, I remember how much she loved sitting on the sofa closest to the TV. Even the air freshener reminded me of her, reminded me of my loss. Mom loved the fragrance of flowers so she made it her mission to make the house smell like a flower shop. Everything in the house was a trigger. I missed her so much.