The Snow-Wolf

Chapter 20: The Dance

Chapter 20: The Dance

My topaz eyes reflected in the mirror as I finished brushing my hair at my makeup counter. The picture of Jacob was taped to the corner. I frowned as I stared at his young human face. The picture was one I had taken last year down at the beach. He grinned and waved. His playful expression was one I missed.

Almost two months had gone by since Jacob left. The pack still had not heard from him. The wedding was tomorrow, and I wondered if he planned to stay away another month. I could only imagine how painful seeing Edward and Bella together was.

While part of me wanted to be angry with Jacob for leaving me again, and never calling me like he had said he would, I knew this time was different than back in February. I reminded myself that his leaving had nothing to do with me; despite the pain he caused me back at the end of June when he ran from me, I did not hate him for it. I understood that he was heartbroken, and I hoped he was finding the healing he needed.

I honestly had reached a point in my new life where I realized being upset and angry would get me nowhere. On days the depression and hurt returned, I would shove the feelings away and focus on interacting with my vampire family and Seth. Plus, Quil and Embry popped in at least once a week to check on me and be with me, so I was so busy entertaining them I didn't have time to be angry.

Also, I was aware that being angry at Jacob would only make me a hypocrite. I had taken off and left my family and Seth in a similar way, trying to escape the demon inside me. Instead of them being angry and spiteful towards my departure, they had forgiven me as soon as they found me and accepted me back as daughter, sister, and girlfriend. Seth had scolded me of course, but only because he never wanted to lose me again. I knew if they could all let go of the hurt I caused them, then I could let go of the hurt Jacob caused me.

I was honestly just worried sick about him and wanted him to come home.

Things had smoothed over with my vampire family since the day I took off back in July. I had blood once a day, just as my adoptive father had ordered me to. We tried blood from a lab for a few days to help me avoid killing, but the liquid was not helping the thirst because of its stale quality. So after three days of trying that method, I finally accepted that I had to hunt like my family. Thankfully, they were still understanding and did the killing for me.

Seth had to be at La Push today under Sam's order. I could tell since I had taken off back in July that the council and Sam were a lot more strict about the wolves coming to see me. A lot of them had abandoned their shifts to search for me. I knew out of the whole pack, Sam was the one member who did not trust me or like me still. And I knew it was because he felt he was losing control of his pack when it came to me.

The resentment from Sam made my time with the Cullens suddenly so much better.

My father did call me once a week. He was so relieved when he heard they had found me after I lost control, and he scolded me for trying to hurt myself and worrying everyone. I apologized to him on the phone and let him know I regretted my actions. He was just glad I was safe and being cared for again. He also informed me that Rachel finally was told about the pack, and she took it pretty well. They still hadn't told her about me, and they weren't sure if they would yet. They didn't want to scare her, and Paul didn't feel she was ready.

It warmed my heart though to know Rachel and Paul were happy together. This small fact gave me comfort for the sister I would probably never see again; she had a werewolf protector to care for her for the rest of her life.

As I thought about the werewolf that had once despised me during my time as a human and right after my turn, I was elated that Paul and I were no longer enemies. Paul had been the one to find and save me after three days of endless darkness. He showed no fear of me, and had reassured me that I was not the demon I felt myself to be as he tried to coax me out of my lonely cave. His love and acceptance of me even at my darkest point had washed away all of the hurt he had caused me in the past before, and I came to love him as a brother. I was so glad Paul had imprinted on Rachel and the two were so in love.