SMILE FOR ME AGAIN

SMILE 19

It was a silent ride. Irene throw her attention to outside while Seulgi's eyes remain on the road. Sky look darker than hours ago. Suddenly stars seems hiding behind the night cloud. Although road are filled with cars, it still feel empty without any noise. Irene know she need to say something to break the silence, but she can't even dare to take a glance at the younger who so focus on driving. She feel so guilty now. All their memories playing in her mind. This explained all Seulgi demeanor towards her this whole time. It's clear now why the younger act like that with her. Her touch, her anger when Suho was make his move towards her. She's jealous. It's so clear now. 

"I'm sorry Seulgi", the older said inside her silent mind. She hold her own hand. 

23 Minutes Ago

"I like you Irene", the idol repeated. In case Irene missed her confession. Irene snap from her reverie. She can feel Seulgi tightened her hand grip on hers. Her grip is firm but gentle. She didn't response. She still suprised by the sudden confession.

"Do you like me?", the younger added after Irene still didn't response. The younger eyes full of anticipation. She demand an answer from Irene. Just say YES or NO Irene. Irene’s mind so blank right now. What should she said?

Irene slowly divert her eyes from Seulgi deep stares. She afraid she will lost into Seulgi's intense but soft stares. She gently rip her hands from Seulgi's. She fidgeting with her hands after they free from Seulgi grip. Thinking for an answer.

"I'm sorry Seulgi. But I can't", she utter under her breath. Slightly feel guilty for saying it to the younger. 

Seulgi taken aback by Irene's line. She avert her eyes from the older and looking at ground. Her hand feel so empty as empty as her heart now. She didn't expect to get that answer from Joohyun. The one who she really loved for 7 years. The one who she yearned for 7 years. Irene's word really piercing her heart. 

It's hurt.

Awkward atmosphere lingering between them for almost 5 minutes before Seulgi let out a weak chuckles. The idol stroking her nape awkwardly.

Irene turn her head to Seulgi when she heard the younger chuckles. 

"Seulgi, I --", she called softly.

Seulgi cut her words. "Aniya. It's okay. I've expected that from the start. Don't worry, I don't like you that much", she lied. 

"Just a silly crush on you. This feeling will gone soon", another lie.

She know it's not gonna happen soon. Because she know her own feeling. Seulgi's eyes still fixated on the ground. Her eyes teary when suddenly she realized how stupid she sound now. Who she want to fool? Fool. She loves Joohyun so much to easily accept this rejection.

Irene attempt to reach for Seulgi’s hand, but the younger quickly turn her body to other side to hide her teary eyes. 

Don't Seulgi, you can't cry now. She keep repeating the same words inside her mind. She balled her hand to contain her tears. She take a deep breath to calm herself. 

"It's getting colder, shall we head back now? You must be so tired too. Let's go back", she said and rose up from her seat without waiting for Irene's reply. She pack all the things and put it inside her car trunk. Irene also rose from her seat weakly and guilt overwhelmed her. She helps Seulgi. 

PRESENT

Irene know everything will not gonna be the same again after tonight. Seulgi is her friend, she really value their friendship. She's the reason for her changes. She's the first one who reach for her in these 7 years. She's the one who broke her wall which she built in these 7 years to distant her from others. She's the one who make her smile again after she loss her parents. Seulgi bring her new life, she bring her new happiness. She is her everything now. She like Seulgi for who she is. But she can't accept her love nor her confession because she didn't deserve it. Irene hope Seulgi will realise it soon that she really doesn't worth it. She deserve someone better.