Arrangements

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It is late in the evening. His family comes over for some arrangement... arrangement for our wedding... my second wedding. And outside our house, near their car, he is sitting on the sidewalk.

I can't totally count the years that have passed since the last time I've seen him.

I am standing few meters away from him and I can hear my heart skips a beat now that he's just actually right in front of me now.

I stare at him, wearing a fitted polo that embraces his muscly back and arms. I am not sure if it's because of the dim light out here that he looks tanned.

I hear him give off a deep sigh. He must have felt my presence that he looks at my direction.

I walk to him with two cups of hot choco in my hands.

I take a sip of my cup of hot choco. "Here," I say as I offer him the other one.

He looks at me. He quickly looks away when our eyes meet.

"Here," I say again, handing him the cup.

He takes the cup while trying to not look at my eyes. He puts the cup on the ground beside his right foot.

"Why don't you get inside?" I ask him as I sit down beside him. There is a meter gap between us.

He doesn't reply. He just takes his cup for a sip. As he is putting the cup back to the ground, I see him smiling. It's been so long since the last time I saw him smile.

He stays silent as he looks away. I look at a vacant lot across the street, I suddenly remember the old days when we were in high school, when were still best friends. We had double deck bed there, wide coffee table and piled up old tires as our chairs there. We wanted a tree house but there was no big tree around to build a house on, so that's the only choice we had at that time. It was our headquarter after school.

My reminiscing is cut off by the cold wind that is blown out to my body.

"It's cold out here," I say and stand up to get inside but he speaks up.

"Are you okay with this?" he asks. I can't find a prompt reply, so I sit back to think about it.

"Yes. Maybe," I say.

"Why?" He asks. I look at his face and he wears his poker face.

"Well," I say with light sigh. "How about you?" I ask back but he doesn't reply. He is just looking far, far away, lost in his thoughts.

"Okay. I'll take that as no. I understand. I know that you proposed to Claire just two months ago."

"I don't want to talk about it."

He proposed to Claire. Claire said yes. But it was a no-no to both of their families. That must be frustrating him, especially now that we're arranged for a marriage.

"Oh." I look around, lost in my words. I feel hurt for him.

I was there for him when he had his first heartbreak. I was able to comfort him in every sad event in his life. It pains me that I cannot do that now. We used to be each other's confidant.

"Can you tell them no?" he asks me, finally looking at my eyes.

"Why don't you do it yourself?" I exclaimed, disappointed with him. If he doesn't want this then he should man up and do what he thinks he should do. Why should I do the manning up for him?

"They said I can do anything I want after I marry you. That is if I marry you."

My forehead wrinkles. I don't know what to react. Is he intentionally trying to hurt me? I feel insulted right now.

"Wow. They told me the same thing," I lie, I said that to get back at him.

"So what do you think?"

"What is it you want to do after our wedding that made this your only choice?"

"I want to marry Claire, of course," he says as if it is already obvious.

"Are you telling me that we'll have an annulment later on?"

"Yes. That won't hurt you, right?"

"Oh." That one surprised me, and my heart aches a bit. "Leo, you know that I already had an annulment, don't you?"

"I know."

"Does that mean that you don't care if I get annulled for the second time?"

"Should I?" He says like I am nothing to him. Damn! We used to be best friends! I can't believe him!

"Okay. That's just for clarity," I fake a smile. I stand up to end the conversation.

The difference between the old us and the now is crystal clear. I can't even compare.

"Why don't you come in?" I politely ask. "Papa wants to see you. He hasn't seen you again since our..." I pause, I'm not sure if I should mention it "... our break-up."

"Nah," he refuses and looks far again.

Okay, it seems I can casually speak about it from now on. He doesn't look affected like how I was. We may be ex-lovers now but I still treasure him with our old memories, even if I don't show it.

"Okay then. It's really cold out here. I'll leave you there." I walk to our gate. He suddenly stands up and calls my name, "Anna."

"Yes?" I look back at him.

"You finally talked to me. Why?" he asks, finally looking at my eyes. I don't know too. And I kinda regret talking to him again.

"You used to ignore me too until tonight. Why?" I ask him back. He was the first one to ignore me even before our break-up. I just returned the favor.

"Because you talked to me."

"You must be kidding." I smirk.

"You didn't answer my question," he argues.

"What's the big deal about it?"

"You mentioned our break-up."

"So?"

"You never did."

"Well, I just did. I guess I do the first move now," I say sarcastically.

"And for God's sake, Leo, we're not kids anymore. What we had must be just some puppy love. No big deal."

"Then I have a news to you, it is to me..."

I can't respond quickly. I don't know how. He caught me off guard.

"... as you were to me," he continued. He looks mad.

"Then I wonder why I was easy to give up on." I remind.

I know he wants to argue back but he shakes it off. "What's the point?" He mumbles.

He returns to me the cup and walks out on me.

"Where are you going?" I ask but he continues walking away.

Duh! He's funny. He doesn't even have the right to get mad at me about it. In the very first place, it's his fault.

Oh, right. It was my fault that we had to break up. For him, it was me.

It was always my fault.