Fine Line || L.S.

Given A Chance

Eleanor sat down across from Louis, handing him a plate of spinach salad and pesto chicken that she had made for him.

The image of it made him feel guilty.

"Thank you," he said, smiling at her.

"You're welcome," she replied, beginning to cut into her chicken.

"I don't think we've ever had this before," Louis said, taking a bite.

Eleanor shook her head, "New recipe. You like?"

Louis nodded, "Yeah, it's great."

"Did you get some thinking done today?" Eleanor asked, looking across the table to her boyfriend.

Louis nodded, "Yeah, I did."

Eleanor watched him, silently prompting him to share.

"I've known since I met Harry that I have feelings for him," Louis started, "and since then it's either been indulging myself in those feelings or resenting him and repressing the feelings."

Eleanor nodded. This was not news to her.

"So, now I am faced with whether, right now, I want to indulge or repress."

Eleanor looked at Louis, "Why do you see it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Two extremes," Eleanor replied. "You've been with, or without, Harry before in ways that aren't indulgent or repressive."

Louis looked at her and realized he hadn't had real clarity about that yet. He always felt and thought in extremes with Harry.

"I don't know," Louis said, "I guess I just... yeah, I don't know."

"I don't think you see our relationship like that," Eleanor said.

"In extremes?" Louis asked.

Eleanor nodded, "I mean, do you?"

Louis shook his head, "No. But our relationship has been considerably less conflict-ridden than mine and Harry's."

"Fair enough," Eleanor said, "but we were never as in love."

Her statement, the easy way she said it, how she didn't even pause chewing her chicken alarmed Louis.
"I love you," Louis told her, not wanting her to get it mixed in her head.

"I know that," Eleanor told him, "and I love you, too. But I don't think it's fair to either of us to even compare what we have to you and Harry."

"No?" Louis asked.

He didn't know if he was truly surprised at her take at their own relationship, or just surprised at her candour, but we were sure surprised. He knew Eleanor to be strong and candid, but even this took him aback.

"You and Harry really fell in love, Lou. Like, young, first love kind of love," Eleanor said, gently. "You've been through these big life things together. I love you, of course, I do, but I think we're good at cohabitating and feeling comfortable around each other. And I don't want you to think this is me expressing in some way I don't have strong feelings for you, and I want to break up. Because it's not that. But I want you to be happy. And if you're having these doubts about us and these feelings about Harry, you're having them for a reason."

Louis nodded, and then looked at his plate.

After several long moments of silence, Eleanor said, "Are you going to talk to me?"

Louis looked at her, "I don't want to hurt you, Eleanor."

"And I don't want you to say nothing, or just tell me what I want to hear," she replied. "You said earlier that we needed to talk, and that's what I'm ready to do."