C.A.T.F.I.S.H ||Matty Healy Story|| oN hOlD

|| 4 ||

The heat from my laptop begins to burn my thighs slightly. Looking at the time at the bottom corner, i see it's almost midnight.

Meaning I've been sat waiting for Matty to come online for almost 3 hours.

Different thoughts run through my mind... Questions - Does he just not want to speak anymore? Has he forgot to come online to talk to me? Is he busy with friends. Girlfriend even.

Girlfriend. Disappointment hits me with a thud to the chest.

How stupid of me. Of course a guy like that has a girlfriend. Why did i never ask? But then again, what right do i have to ask that? He's a friend, right? It's not like there's anything between us. No matter what i sit thinking and daydreaming about when my thoughts run away with themself. I've known the guy like, a day and a night. What the hell is wrong with me.

Stop being a paranoid freak over someone who isn't yours to be obsessive over.

I close my laptop. Throwing it to the bottom of the bed. Flinging myself back onto the bed i try stopping thoughts of Matty twirling around my head altogether.

I quickly make a pact with myself. That if he does eventually get back intouch with me, to just keep it casual. No conversations of my ex. No explaining my feelings of how crap I'm feeling about my break up. No more excitement when i see i have a message from him...From now on, I'll just, play it cool. Easy!

That stays in my head for a good 10 seconds. Until I'm sitting myself back up and reaching for my bag to dig my phone out from the bottom of it.

The phone lands on top of the laptop with a bang when another hit of sadness attacks me, seeing there's zilch on there from him either.

This is ridiculous!

Why can i not get this guy. This... stranger (because technically, that's exactly what he is) out of my god damned head?

Maybe because you've practically spilled all your past life to the poor guy in 1 night. Spilling all your fears and feelings to him, leaving you in a vulnerable place now. -- My conscience comes out with a handful of insults to make me feel better about myself.

I need to get out more.

Reaching for my phone, and just realising now that we have college off tomorrow. I send Lou and Della a text to see what they're up to. Knowing they're 2 of the biggest party animals around here. And rebels. I know they'll be out, god knows where. Doing god knows what.

But that's exactly what i need. It'll help take my mind off of this... whatever the hell this even is...

I need to be out. Being a typical teenager. Not sat in, alone. Becoming agitated and annoyed with myself pver something so stupid. And most importantly, something that's out of my control.

**where u at? Bored out of my mind @ home. Mum's in bed. I'll b able 2 sneak out easily :P**

Della replies back practically straight away. I knew she would. She's always the one complaining at me that i never get out. "You never act like a teenager Jess" "You should hang with us. We never see you Jess"

**Party at Joels. U should get your backside here. Sick nyt! x**

As soon as i read over the name Joel. All my plans of playing a little rebel tonight come crashing down into shreds. It's not so much Joel i have the problem with. It's the guy who's his best friend. And unfortunately, my ex boyfriend. And you can guarentee he'll be there with him.