The beautiful comes without you

a message for when you leave

I always knew your heart was with somebody else. She carved her name into your veins watching them bleed as she walked away.
From the start I knew you weren't mine to keep.
That's why I kissed you an extra thousand times. Telling you it's just an old habit.
That's why I gaze an extra few seconds before looking away.
That's why I stayed up all those nights to gaze at you while you slept instead of getting any rest for myself. I try to memorize every curve and mark on your body, so that when you left I wouldn't forget.
I listened extra carefully when you spoke since I needed to replay your voice when I was alone.
That's why I always told you to say you loved me. You pressed your body against mine, someday knowing your scent wouldn't linger on my sheets and you wouldn't hold me close anymore.
I knew one day I would wake up and be alone, so I took your warmth, silently crying in your arms making your shirt damp.
Touching the tears that fell on your chest, tracing my fingers along your curls, through to your body. Trying to cherish every inch of your skin.
I watched you dream, knowing I never be able to see you achieve them.
In life things are built to break.
I cherished you, however you still left.
Now I can't forget.
Envying your first love for being able to experience your love and presence twice.
Wishing I had never listen to my heart.
Wishing I never memorize those eyes.
Because now I swim in a blissful pool of gray. Learning how to not drown in your memories that marked my heart.
Putting ice in my blood, failing to let go.
I learned you like the lyrics to my favorite song.
And you've been stuck in my head ever since I knew you weren't mine to keep.