it's day/month/year
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21.10.1852
I stole this empty notebook from father's office today while the whole family was out. I reckon it is better to write down my thoughts than to voice them out loud to myself. I don't want mother to ban me to the outhouse again as it gets very cold these days.㉑ ㉑ ㉑
17.11.1852
These days, father is a lot more cruel to me. It makes sense considering my birthday is approaching fast. He does not appreciate any reminder that I belong to the family. After all, I don't remember him ever calling me his daughter. But it does make sense, as I'm not.Yesterday he forbid me to study with my sister ever again. It's a shame, really. The teacher was always so kind to me.
㉑ ㉑ ㉑
28.12.1852
Back when I was still a little girl, mother used to braid my hair and tell me I was beautiful regardless of what other people said. These days, she doesn't so much as look at me.I wonder whether she crumbled underneath the pressure of the family or if time just revealed her to be a liar, too.
㉑ ㉑ ㉑
06.02.1853
Last night, father invited a few men over. No one told me we would have guests. Usually, I'm locked in the basement or the outhouse then.Father's guests spotted me as I wanted to cross the bar to get to the library. Father told them I was just another servant. Then, after they had left, he chased me through the house to beat me with the fire irons. I hid on the attic and didn't sleep all night.
The bruises look nasty even in the darkness. I haven't left the attic yet.
㉑ ㉑ ㉑
07.02.1853
Father banned me from the library. I suppose all joy is fleeting.㉑ ㉑ ㉑
18.04.1853
These days, I have nothing to do. I just hide in the basement all day in order to avoid mother and father and everyone else, really. Just earlier today, hunger tore at my stomach, so I tried to sneak into the kitchen to fetch an apple or two. Of course, one of the cooks caught me. She started insulting me and called me a bastard. Then, she threw the compost at me. Pig's food.
Someone like me is just bound to get caught, I suppose. A bastard. Just like father likes to say.㉑ ㉑ ㉑
03.08.1853
Sometimes, I look at my sister and wonder why she deserved to be the chosen one. Devoid of any flaws, sweet to those she acknowledges, a seeming heart of gold.Every time I see her, I feel the urge to grab her by her ebony hair and drag her through the mud.
㉑ ㉑ ㉑
25.11.1853
I don't understand why father doesn't hate mother's brother.I don't understand why he hates me instead.
Today, he slapped me in front of everyone and then dragged me into the basement. He beat me and called me awful names, a bastard, an ugly disgrace. I allowed it to happen. I believe I smelled liquor.
No one remembered it was my birthday.
㉑ ㉑ ㉑
02.02.1854
Sometimes, I want to hurt him.
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1857 ; ym
FanfictionJimin thinks that going to an old mansion to hunt for ghosts just to impress his crush Min Yoongi is a good idea. He couldn't have been more wrong.