Secret Saviors - Aziraphale X Crowley Fanfic (Finished)

4 - Explanations

Aziraphale sighed. How the hell was he going to explain this? He could feel a jumble of negative emotions coming from the demon beside him as he unlocked the doors.

As they stepped inside and Aziraphale locked up again, the angel miracled a bottle of wine, sitting on the ground with his back against the couch while Crowley sat cross legged in front of him.

Aziraphale, not knowing where to begin, took the book and handed it to Crowley, face down. The demon raised an eyebrow, but the Angel just motioned with his head to look at it. As Crowley turned the red leather over, he blinked several times, as though something was in his eyes, causing him to see something that wasn't there. Crowley ran his hand over the sacred snake on the cover.

"You said someone important to you gave you this..." Crowley began quietly.

"You did." The demon's eyes darted up to Aziraphale's. The angel looked down.

"When you were an angel... You could sense evil coming. You'd had a vision of the rebellion. You saw that the demons were going to kill the guardians. The cherubim, the seraphim and... the principalities. All those who had the power to protect heaven." Aziraphale paused, remembering Raphael's depiction of his vision before continuing.

"You saw that they were going to capture me. They were to torture me for information until my death. So you made a decision to stop it. You released all your holy power into this book, giving it a new task... To protect me. You used one last Enochian spell." Aziraphale reached out and ran a gentle finger over the snakelike mark on his head.

"That very spell embedded this into your skin. It was your gift to me. The symbol... The symbol of our love to each other, marked on you, so that when you left me..." Aziraphale tried in a futile attempt to shake away his tears.
"So that when you left me, I could find you again." Crowley had always wondered about the snake symbol on his face. He had been told that hell didn't cause it, so if felt nice finally knowing the truth. His hands gripped onto Aziraphale's shaking ones and lightly placed a kiss on the back of one.

"Then?"

"You finished the spell by bathing yourself in burning sulfur to turn yourself into a demon. That particular spell is well known for erasing the user's memories. It's why you can't remember heaven, you can only remember from the fall itself." Aziraphale explained.
"Then When hell found you, they thought they could use you to destroy heaven from the inside. And you did manage to wreak a little havoc, plenty of Angels fell during the rebellion, but none, neither demon nor angel died. After that, I was stationed at the Eden. I begged Gabriel to let me. I couldn't stand being there without you anymore. It hurt too much. I was so sure that I'd never see you again... Then I went down to earth. And that's when I met you. I was surprised to see your other form. The one hell gave you. It was the form that represented our love to each other. I didn't think it was possible hell knew about it. I didn't understand how they could've given you that form. Then when... When I saw this," again Aziraphale's thumb stroked over the symbol on the demon.
"I immediately knew who you were."

"But then... Why didn't you trust me back then?" Aziraphale looked down guiltily. The pain he'd suppressed for so long radiating to the surface.

"I... I... Crowley... You left me alone. I was hurt and angry. I felt as though you betrayed me. I didn't think I could ever trust you again for doing that to me. But... You couldn't remember who I was. And everytime I saw you... You'd smile at me like you used to... You'd tease me and make fun, but always remember to show me how important I was. You would protect me and everything I cared about, you did everything that made me fall in love with you in heaven... And I just couldn't help falling in love with you all over again." Aziraphale's head was in his hands.
"I tried so hard to stop it. I couldn't bare the thought of being hurt again... So I tried desperately to hate you... But I couldn't Crowley... I just couldn't."