Embers and Ashes

n i n e t e e n: The Only One

The next morning I awake with the expectation that I'll still be nuzzled up in familiar arms but to my dismay, I wake up in a cold and empty bed. I sit up slowly, looking around Roman's room not surprised that he's nowhere to be found. I can't help the disappointment that courses through me even though I shouldn't have expected anything more. 

We agreed that me sleeping in his bed was for my sanity alone and the next morning would be full of all the conversations that need to be had about both Evan and my bad decisions from yesterday. My stomach churns at the thought alone. 

I already know Roman is furious about what I did yesterday- I know it was dangerous but I couldn't think straight. I'm just in awe that he was able to contain his anger for my sake at least until I calmed down. 

However, I know he won't hold off on me today. 

Part of me wants to hide out in my room all day but the other part of me also knows that's not going to stop him from barging in and forcing me to talk to him. I might as well rip the bandaid off and get it all over with. 

But first, I need to at least brush my teeth before I take on the challenges today holds for me. I slide out of Roman's bed and make my way out of his room, pausing once I reach the hallway. I listen closely for any sounds coming from downstairs, which is the only other place that Roman could currently be. 

Sure enough, I hear him and my mother talking quietly to each other downstairs. I roll my eyes at this with no doubt in my mind that they're talking about me. So much for not keeping secrets anymore. 

I enter the bathroom, shutting the door behind me before brushing my teeth and washing my face. I also run a brush through my mess of hair, making it look slightly tamer. With one last grimace at the mirror after noticing my under-eye bags, I make my way back to Roman's room. 

This time, he's there. 

His back is to me as he digs through his closet, and I contemplate just leaving before he notices me so that I can stall for a bit longer. However, when he pulls the shirt off of his back, exposing his muscles, I'm glued to the spot. I watch as he chooses a different shirt to wear, slipping it onto his body. 

Should I say something? Should I just walk in? 

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to say something?" Roman quips, suddenly turning around to face me. I jump, placing a hand to my heart at his sudden gesture. 

"Sorry," I apologize- for what- I'm not sure. 

Roman responds by waving a hand to usher me inside the room and I gulp, knowing that It's all downhill from here. But still, I do as he wishes by entering and he immediately closes the door behind me. 

"Sit," he instructs. I do so without a word. 

He paces back and forth in front of me like an angry parent gathering their thoughts before lecturing their child. He even has his hands behind his back and I almost forgot how intimidating Roman can manage to look when he wants to. 

My mind flashes back to all the times he was rude and cruel to me before we ever became more than enemies. While I know Roman will never ever resort back to the person he once was, the thought still makes me cringe. 

Finally, Roman gives up on trying to think of something perfect to say because he bursts out with, "What the hell were you thinking?!" I flinch at how he immediately has his voice raised, but I can't say that I blame him. 

He doesn't give me a chance to answer the apparently rhetorical question because he continues on with, "I mean have you completely lost your mind? You had no right to just leave as you did! Do you know that if Snake happened to be lurking around outside he would have had you dead in half of a second?! That concussion must have injured your brain more than we thought because the Tessa I know never would have done something so incredibly stupid!" Roman fumes, pulling at the roots of his hair.