Thoughts

Dark Days

Have you ever wonder why dark days exist? Everything around you is perfect. You can hear the most satisfying sounds in the world. Nature even shows you life is beautiful. But then..... there's a whole different world inside of you. There's confusion and sadness all over your bones. It's like a glove. It fits perfectly within you. Feelings you can't control; Feelings you don't want to show. But you know your face doesn't help you. It wants to portrait everything you want to pour out so desperately.

You wish you were different. You wish you didn't have to close off your brain to the ones surrounding you. You want to be an open book, but you also want to be one of those books no one truly wants to read. The one that keeps appearing on your recommendations, but the reviews tell you you need to stay away from it. I'm that book. I'm so badly written that those that have read me want to forget they once picked me up to read in the first place.

You know you are not the victim. But you wish you were. You want to play the victim card so bad it hurts you. Suddenly someone notices your quietness and withdrawnness. They ask what you want to hear. "Are you okay?" It's your opportunity. This is where you tell them "no, I'm not okay" this is where you tell them you don't understand what is happening, but you don't feel fine. This is where you let out everything that has been building up inside of you for so long. This is your chance! But instead you respond, "Yes. I'm fine." Why? Why do you keep lying? You are not fooling yourself anymore.

But then they give you another chance.. "Are you sure?" But like always, you let that opportunity go. Again. "Yes. I'm fine"

I can't explain why these days exist. Heck, why do we exist? Mysteries of the world. You wish you could be different. Unconsciously, you seek for someone that understands your deepest thoughts. But you are afraid. You are afraid of showing who you really are. "Be yourself" that's what people say. But they don't want the true version of yourself. It's too much for them to handle. So instead, you pretend. You put your version of a smile all over your face and continue with your day. I'm not saying is the right thing to do. I'm saying is what we do. Why? Because we just want our day to be the easiest possible. We put a bandaid over our cuts. We know it never works, but at least it keeps us going for another day...