Helpless: Hamiliza

It's quiet uptown

I know that Philip can't be Alex's son, but in this one he'll be...like? his son.

..

Peggy knocks on my bedroom door, and I open my eyes to sunlight spilling onto my bright carpet. "Hey, Liz," she says in a soft voice. "You up?"

I yawn, stretch, and nod. "Hey, Peggs."

It's been two weeks since Alex and I have been kinda done, but I'm actually starting to feel bad about ignoring his ass.

Then I remember Alexander and what he did...

Tears of rage yet again pop into my eyes, but I wipe them away quickly. Peggy notices, though, and she takes my hand. "Are you okay? I know Alexander is a...well...fucking...jerk, but..."

I laugh at the fact that sweet little Peggy said fucking, and smile at her. "Thanks, Peggs. You and Ange are really the best sisters a girl could ask for. And speaking of boyfriends, are you and John still cool?  Y'know, 'cause of Alex and everything."

Her eyes brighten and she nods. "Yep, we're still solid!! He told me that Alex was being a jerk for some reason."

Suddenly, my phone dings with a text, and Peggy nods and scampers out.

Alex: hey elizabeth

I sigh and roll my eyes. Does he not know what leave me alone means?

Alex: eliza...

betsey: what do you want alexander

Alex: i have some news

My heart skips around nervously. Did Laurens die? Did someone get in an accident? This doesn't sound too good.

Alex: remember philip? 

Memories of Alex introducing me to a small freckled-face boy who looked kind of like Laurens flash in my mind. The kid is adorable. He has a big heart and a big smile, and loves to play with play swords. And once he told us about being in love with an eight year old girl who was a year younger than him and Aaron Burr's younger sister. We were his "big siblings," people who'd take him out and play with him.

betsey: yeah. what about him

Alex: remember how he had cancer?

I actually did remember the young nine-year-old having bad leukemia. He had small bruises from the chemo on his back, and he was pretty small and skinny.

betsey: yes

Alex: eliza...

And I know without even knowing. 

Philip died.

And sure enough...

Alex: he passed out last night. they regained his pulse but shortly after, his heart stopped again. and they couldn't get it back. eliza...

betsey: no.

Alex: He died.

I collapse onto my bed, tears streaming down my face, the idea of a nine year old dying of cancer consuming my mind and suddenly nothing else matters except for comforting Alex. They were like father and son. Alex visited him every week...

And now...

Now he's gone....

..

After the funeral...

I find Alex sitting in a small green chair just outside of the Presbyterian church. His head is in his hands and he's trying to hide his heavy sobs.

There's a chair next to him, and I quietly sit next to him, biting my lip.

I put my hand on his back, and run my thumb up and down a small spine bump. He looks up at me in surprise, his eyes full of regret and sadness.

"Eliza..."

The funeral was a little ways uptown, which is a big change from the loud city. It's a lot quieter. I had to drive for three hours, but I would do anything to get here for him.

And for some reason, a wave of sadness crashes down on me, causing me to let out a choked sob, and tears gather thickly in my eyes, the memory of the small, lifeless body laying in a dark blue coffin popping into my mind. That makes my cry even harder.

Alex wraps his arms around my shoulders, and holds me close to him. "Eliza, I'm so sorry," he whispers, petting my hair and hugging me.

I don't say anything.

Even though what I want is for his comfort, I instinctively jerk away from him, and his arms drop in shock. He looks at me with wide eyes, then nods once, and sits with his face pointed at the ground.

And suddenly a strong feeling of a mix of love, hate, and sadness overwhelms me, and I turn to look at Alex.

He's already looking at me, and a small, forced smile appears on his face.

He tries to make small talk. "It's pretty quiet uptown, huh?"

I don't answer.

He takes a deep breath. "Eliza, I know I've been a jerk lately and I have no reason. I know I don't deserve you, but can you please just hear me out?"

I just look at him.

"I know that you need time, and that it's been really hard lately. But you are so amazing and strong and beautiful. And I'm asking you to please just let me stay by your side. You don't have to love me or acknowledge me, but I just want to stay here with you."

I still stay quiet.

He just whispers, "It's quiet uptown. Do you like it uptown?" and chuckles to himself sadly.

I sigh and look off into the distance.

My hand reaches for his, and I grip it tightly, more tears forming.

"It's quiet uptown," I whisper. 

He holds my hand and turns to face me, relief showing. "I love you, Eliza," he says.

"I love you, too."

Then we kiss, the most passionate kiss I've ever shared in my life.

..

Almost 900 words, darn.

This was a pretty depressing chapter, sorry guys :(

I love all of you!!!!

-dia