I Love You Phil

I Do Love You

Hello internet!

So, sorry for any feels that might have come from the last chapter! I will hopefully try and update every day I think (Dont hold me to this)

Thanks for the few reads and sorry for the amount of shameless self promotion on instagram.

Hope you enjoy this chapter! Another short one to introduce Phil before the good stuff happens!

Bye for now

-Hannah-Jade

Phil's POV

I walk into the apartment after spending the day with my parents, I did ask Dan to come too but he said no which is strange because he usually likes spending time with my parents. He said he was feeling ill but gave me a massive hug before I left which was really cute. It almost made me stay.

I take off my shoes and walk to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. "Dan!? I'm home do you want a cup of tea?" I called to Dan to let him know im home. There was no reply. I still make him a cup as he might just be asleep.

After making the teas I carefully walked to Dan's room and knocked on the door. "Dan?" I called out. The reply I got was silence. Hmm.

I push the door as quietly as I could and I was met with an empty bed and no Dan. I walk back into the kitchen to put the drinks down and grab my phone to ring Dan.

"Hello this is Dan's phone, unfortunately I am unable to answer right now, just try again later" I listen to Dan's answerphone message. Okay this is really weird, he always answers the phone when I ring.

I sigh and go to my bedroom, tired after a long day I decide to take a nap. I jump into bed and I feel lion and a piece of paper hit my face. Confused, I sat up and looked at the envelope. In Dan's handwriting it just said 'Phil'. I grab hold of lion and open the envelope. Nothing could compare to how I was feeling as I was reading it...

To my special lion

It breaks my heart writing this but it's for the best I leave, I know running away from my problems is stupid but im stupid. There is no point looking for me, I will be long gone by the time you read this.

I love you! I have since 2009 but I was scared of telling you, I didn't want you to hate me, to shout at me or leave me. I'm writing this because I cant hold it in anymore it hurts just how much I love you.

You have saved me so many times from depression to my endless amount of existential crisis's but now I don't think you can save me any more, not unless you were to love me.

I wish I was strong enough to carry on, to tell you how much I love you Phil. But I cant find the strength to hold myself together any longer. I wish I had your long arms around me, my head resting on your chest, your big hands playing with my hair. I wish I could call you mine.

I have been depressed too long, but you never noticed because I always blamed it as an existential crisis so you wouldn't get upset or worried about me. I am so sorry.

I hope one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I know it will hurt for a while but I know it will get better lion! I know you will move on and forget about me, it should be easy I promise.

That big hug I gave you this morning as you left to go to your parents for the day? That was me secretly saying goodbye, feeling your arms around me protectively for the final time.

Philip Michael Lester, I love you so much.

This was the most fun I have ever had. Thank you for the best 6 years of my life.

Love, Dan

As I read the letter I clutched lion tighter and start shaking. I cant control the tears streaming down my face. I ran to my phone and kept ringing him. I never got no answer so I decided to try and text him. I couldn't see through my eyes as I was crying too much.

21:41

To:Dan

From:Phil

Dan? Dan please pick up your phone, where are you? Please I am worried please pick up!

21:45

To:Dan

From:Phil

Dan! Please please pick up the phone! Come home please just speak to me!

21:50

To:Dan

From:Phil

This isn't funny Dan! I'm not mad I don't hate you...please...just come home xxx

21:52

To:Dan

From:Phil

Dan? Are you there?

I sat on the kitchen floor, still clutching lion tightly and crying. I start panicking.

Where is Dan? Is he okay? Is he alive? Why did he leave me? Why? Have I just lost my best friend? My soulmate?

Every second im checking my phone. By 10pm I haven't heard anything so I run and get ready to go out and find Dan and that's when I notice...his apartment keys are on the floor.

I run to his bedroom and notice nothing is missing other than his phone. I run to my bedroom and notice one of my jumpers is gone, that's all. I run down the stairs and out the building, running anywhere. I don't even know where im going or what im doing. I need to find Dan back and I need to tell him...

I love him too...