if i could drown in you, would you let me

there's not much to say

A/N: Sorry, this is so late, I had a hard time coming up with a proper ending for the chapter! But I think I figured it out, So I hope you enjoy!

"Check your computer Dream," said Sapnap, the edge in his voice cutting Dream to the bone. He had left the car earlier, right? Dream had left the call that included him, Sapnap, BadBoyHalo, and George, right? He hadn't been dumb enough to leave it open, right? Dream was frozen in place on his bed just listening to Sapnap breathing. Ice was running through his veins. If he didn't move, he wouldn't know whether the call was open. He could just ignore it. Even if the call was open and Sapnap tried to talk to him, he couldn't be able to hear it. The audio would go straight to his headphones.

"Now, Dream," commanded Sapnap pulling Dream out of his head. He couldn't run away from this, could he? Slowly Dream stood without saying a word to his friend. The phone slipped from his fingers onto his bed; Dream paid it no mind. He took the few steps it took to reach his desk. His hand hovered over his mouse. Click.

As Dream's monitor lit up, his heart dropped. He fell back into his chair. Discord was wide open, the call from earlier was wide open. He started shaking, and a million thoughts ran through his head. Who else had heard him? Who else was listening?

He wanted George to know, right? Without having to tell him? So why was he so full of fear now that there was even the slightest possibility of George knowing. Sapnap's voice softly echoed between Dream's headphones and his phone.

"You there?" He wasn't asking. Dream picked his headphones up and pulled them over his head.

"Yeah," he whispered, still trying to keep emotion out of his voice. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm here."

"So?" Asked Sapnap after a moment. "What the fuck was that?" Dream closed his eyes. God, he just wanted to cry.

"I, I don't know what to say." It was so hard to keep his composure, to keep himself from breaking down. But Sapnap would've heard it in his voice, the slight waiver, the pain he was trying so desperately to hide. He didn't want Sapnap's pity. He didn't want any of this.

"You sure as hell knew what you were saying when you were yelling at the discord you thought was closed," said Sapnap, a slight laugh at the edge of his voice. Did he think this was a joke?

"That's not what I was doing," responded Dream with a scowl. He crossed his arms, sitting back.

"Then, what were you doing? Explain it to me!" The exasperation in his voice was so apparent. Dream didn't know what he actually heard or thought. He could downplay this. He could pull this off, the most important lie of his life.

"I don't have to explain anything! It was nothing," he said as calmly as he could. He just had to stay calm, and he could solve this.

"Nothing? You said George was killing you, that your friendship was killing you, that's nothing?" Said Sapnap using Dream's own words against him.

"You must've heard me wrong," he muttered, trying to salvage whatever he could. Fuck, he couldn't stop shaking.

"No, cut the fucking bullshit Dream. Don't try any of that manipulative shit. I'm tired of it," spat Sapnap, his volume rising. "You love him, don't you." Dream fell silent once again. A thousand lies came to him, a thousand ways to get out of this. But dammit, he was tired, he was tired of lying and hiding and running. He was so tired.

"Yeah, I think I do." He wasn't confessing to thin air anymore. Someone knows now. It should've taken a weight off his shoulders to know that his best friend knows. It wasn't his secret to covet anymore. He could stop lying to at least one person in his life. "Nick, I don't know what to do," he whispered. Somehow Sapnap's silence softened.

"You're lucky, Clay, that it's so late for him," responded Sapnap. Was Dream lucky, though? Was it luck that caused him to meet George? Was it luck that caused Dream to fall when he knew George would never feel the same way? If that was luck, he didn't want anything to do with it.

"No, I was stupid for not leaving the call. Luck had nothing to do with it," he said bitterly. Luck wouldn't have caused him to rip his curtains down over a boy. Luck wouldn't make him fall for one of the only people he could never have.
"It was a mistake that could've lead to a way bigger disaster. I would say you're pretty damn lucky that you didn't make it another time," said Sapnap with an emotion Dream couldn't quite place laced in his voice. Anger wasn't quite right; it was closer to jealousy. But that didn't make any sense.

"Yeah, you're right," muttered Dream. He didn't feel like arguing right now; he didn't feel like doing anything.

"He can never know. You know that, right?"

"Of course, I know that! Even, even if I wanted to tell him--which I don't--I wouldn't say anything," said Dream. Sapnap didn't speak for a moment; his icon just sat there dark. Dream urged it to turn green, for Sapnap to say anything. He could hardly bear the silence anymore.

"Dream, I don't. Well," he sighed, trying to gather his thoughts." Even if George felt something for you, something more than friendship. He would never love you as deeply as you love him." Each word he spoke was a knife stabbed deeper and deeper into Dream's heart. Sapnap just threw his biggest fear into his face in an attempt to help him. But to hear it out loud from his friend hurt worse than he could've ever imagined. Dream had been stuck in his head for so long, and there was relief in knowing that he wasn't alone anymore. But somehow, Sapnap knowing just made him more lonely.

"You'll only get hurt worse if you tell him Dream, trust me," smiled Sapnap. Dream still couldn't say anything. He couldn't do anything. George wouldn't ever love him the way he wanted. He was alone.

"I know, I was just talking out loud," said Dream trying, and failing, to sound cheerful. "I was talking to the moon, you know, like the Bruno Mars song?" As soon as Dream said it, he regretted it. He sounded so goddamn lame.

"Bruno Mars only ever reminds me of Tommy," he responded, trying to follow Dream's upbeat attitude. "Just make sure if you do it again, you don't do it on call, okay?"

"I won't. Don't worry." He wouldn't ever make that mistake again. Not when he was risking so much. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. He didn't even get to tell Sapnap on his terms. He had allowed this massive invasion of privacy that could cause his whole life to fall apart. Sapnap left the call without another word; Dream followed him soon after.

When he had the strength to get to his bed, Sapnap had ended their phone call as well. He was left in silence once again. He was left alone with only his thoughts to keep him company. Sapnap had been kinder to him than he should've been. Hadn't he? He was patient, and kind, and a voice of reason.

How was he so calm knowing what Dream felt? How had he taken it so well? Sapnap didn't make fun of him or shame him. He was the perfect friend. It made Dream feel sick. He didn't deserve such a good friend, not when he felt the way he did.

Dream hated himself so much. For everything, for loving Goerge, and for being stupid enough to stay in a Discord call, for trying to manipulate his friend into thinking nothing was wrong, for failing at hiding his feelings successfully. Dream couldn't do anything right. He couldn't have normal feelings of friendship or keep a secret properly. He was a failure.

The end of his bed dipped as Patches jumped up. Dream didn't notice at first as he lay there spiraling. And then her face was nuzzling into his neck, and she was purring loud enough to drown out his thoughts. She was the only thing he couldn't ever ruin—his perfect Patches. They fell asleep with his hand in her fur as she curled up on his chest. And for once, he slept soundly, with no nightmares ripping him into consciousness. He slept without a thought for George.

A/N: Thank you for reading Chapter Five! If you have anything to say please leave it in the comments and leave a kudos if you enjoyed it. Chapter Six will be posted by the end of next week, see you then :)