Derek & Daniel

Part 6 - Conclusion

I shower and change clothes in my own home. Do I want to go back? It's been a difficult night, not to mention the morning. I feel exhausted already. He wants us to talk. I don't want to rehash everything, I don't want to bring back all that pain I feel. I've been trying to remove myself from him.

My negativity and insecurity takes me over. If anything was going to happen, it would have by now, I keep telling myself. I don't want to push him and I don't want to become a desperate person forcing myself on him. No, I'm doing the right thing, protecting myself. He doesn't want me like that, I tell myself.

I stand at my small balcony, looking over at the view, arguing with myself. I don't want to go back there. It's too hard, I've been doing so well. He doesn't want me, so why should I go back there.

Closure Daniel, that's what this will be. Closing it, finishing it. Why did I say I'd go back and cook him some lunch. He's sick Daniel, my sympathy surfacing. He asked me to. I said I would. OK, I can do this. He's a friend who needs my help. I can do this.

I look at the time and realise a few hours have passed. I hold my head, stop it Daniel. I take a few deep calming breaths, trying to centre myself. Just go, cook him something to eat, keep it casual, you can do this. I have his keys so I have to go back anyway, I remind myself ironically!

I leave and head upstairs again and let myself into his home. I look around and he's still lying on the couch in front of the muted TV. I walk around to him, and he looks asleep. No Daniel, don't stand there looking at him. I turn to the balcony and open the heavy curtains and open the door. It's a nice day outside and letting in some fresh air would be good. I go out and stand there, admiring the view he has. I like living here, the building is great, its' central to everything for me. And I met Derek here. And that's not a bad thing, I conclude, it's just happening now.

I feel like a drink, so I head inside and make a coffee, which I do find the makings for thankfully. I hear movement as Derek stirs awake and I walk over to him. He sees me and smiles, sleepy and looking gorgeous. He breathes deep, smelling my coffee. I smile and hand him my mug, which he takes a sip of.

"Ah heaven" he says.

"How about I make you one. How do you like it?" I ask him.

"Exactly like that" he tells me so I head back into the kitchen to make another. He stands up and moves to the balcony, looking out, leaning on the door frame. I walk over and hand him his mug and step out onto the balcony. I sip my drink and look around.

"How long have you lived here?" I ask him.

"A couple of years" he tells me.

"I've only been here a few months and love it. It's near my work and everything, so convenient as the station is close. I don't have a car." I finish off. "Your view is better than mine!' I say with a smile at him and look out again, drinking my coffee.

He doesn't say much and I turn back to him and he's watching me. "How are you feeling now?" I ask him.

"So much better, thanks to you".

"Hungry?" I ask and he nods with a smile.

"Well, there are a few options. Ham and cheese toasty or omelette, eggs on toast. Basically anything with ham, cheese, eggs and bread" I say with a smile. "Unless you want porridge again".

"A toasty sounds great Daniel" he tells me.

"Do you want to sit out here or back inside" I ask him.

"Inside" he answers and walks back inside. I head to the kitchen to prepare sandwiches and he sits at the table, just watching me and drinking his coffee. I ignore him, and find a frypan to cook the toasties for us.